Is This Just a Game to You?

I am so sick of the emotional roller coaster ride I can’t seem to remove from my mind. I really want you out of my life, but don’t know how to get you off my mind so I can finally move on. I feel like you are playing a sick game with me. You say you love me, but don’t seem to give a shit about me or anything to do with me. You never ask how I am, or about my day. If I say something about myself you at the most reply with “oh” or “I see”. Well fucking great! You obviously care so much. How can you supposedly want to be with me, but only care about yourself? Any conversation is always about you, and that is only if I ask questions. Otherwise you have absolutely nothing to say. We can’t even have a normal conversation. Our so called “conversation” consists of me asking you questions only to get one word answers. You don’t ever disclose anything about yourself or tell me how you are. Your excuse for never being able to talk is that you are busy, well obviously you are too busy for a relationship then. I won’t be your little trophy to sit on a shelf somewhere. I think you need to learn what love is about, because I think your definition is that of infatuation. Sorry, but I can’t base a relationship on that.
I guess I should never have told you how I felt, because now I fucked up your life too. What a sick screwed up situation! I can’t deal with this anymore either. You want me to make all the sacrifices… move to where you are, give up my life, leave my husband, and start over with nothing… all for the chance it “might” work out. I don’t think it is a good idea for two emotionally unstable people to get together. But, I guess we are emotionally unstable only because we are apart and can’t be together. What a screwed up mess! I wish it would just disappear.
From speaking with you, it seems you are obsessed with vanity. Every single picture you send, your shirt is off and you look constipated because you are trying so hard to flex…definitely not attractive! Everything seems to be about appearance. I don’t want to feel pressured to look or dress a certain way because you are so critical. It also seems as if you have different priorities in life, which include yourself, work, and partying; All great if I were an immature teenager. You also know I won’t be with anyone who isn’t a practicing Christian, so what are you doing? Nothing, so why do you keep leading me on? I don’t care how buff you are or how great you look, your personality and values matter more.
I am such a fucking idiot…why do I get caught up in your games?