Clarity!

Today I woke up feeling great and not confused...Yay! I am actually wondering what in the hell I have been thinking. My ex is acting like a jerk, who just wants to play games with me. A few days ago I was talking to my ex over messenger. I brought up the topic of him never having time to talk and giving one letter/word answers to any and every question. I said he could contact me if he wanted to speak since he is so busy all the time. He said I am trying to play games with him, which I'm not. So now he is stonewalling me...a typical thing for him.
As I am thinking logically about the situation I can't believe I didn't acknowledge the signs before. Obviously something has been clouding my judgment, but not today. I think my problem arises because I am too analytical and can envision every single possibility and consequence for any situation, which leaves me confused an indecisive. Anyway, I will look at the facts: He isn't willing to make one sacrifice for me. He won't even talk to me now! I am expected to leave my husband, everything I have worked so hard for, my family, all for him...and what do I get in return...jack shit! My husband doesn't care what I do as long as I am happy. He doesn't care if I want to stay home when/if we have kids, but my ex sure does. Sounds like a great plan for him. If he really did love me the way he says he does, then he would have visited me a long time ago instead of continually dangling the notion in front of me. He is engaged, even though he keeps telling me he wants to break up with the poor girl (I don't think she has a clue). Maybe he wants me to leave my security zone hoping I will feel dependent upon him...who knows? But seriously, who freaks out about a simple conversation? I confront him about a simple issue and he ignores me...wow, how immature. I don't need such pettiness in my life. "Toto, we're not in 'high school' anymore".

Ok, so lets break this down:
Spouse/EX:

  • Great guy/ Great guy, but acting like a jerk right now
  • Awesome career/Dangerous career with little room for advancement
  • College degree/some college with no plans to finish or actually have a career...still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life
  • Super sweet and loving/very inverted and doesn't openly express affection
  • Awesome lover/not sure?
  • Already married to him and have a great future with him/engaged to another woman
  • Can be moody, very nasty and emotionally abusive/super temperamental, shuts down
  • Yells when angry/doesn't yell, stonewalls, but comes back after thinking
  • We talk about almost everything and anything/used to have great communication, but difficult to even get a full sentence out of him now
  • Boring/Adventurous
  • Extrovert/introvert
  • Knows how to deal with my moodiness/freaks out & blames self for my moodiness
  • Wants a family/Wants a family
  • Christian/????? doesn't talk about faith
  • Thinks I am the greatest thing in his life/probably thinks I am a bitch right now
  • Mean, fake family/super nice, down to earth family
  • No baggage/engaged to her
  • Would do anything for me/would do anything if he knew he could have me

Ok, well I went off on my super analytical tangent again, but still, my husband sounds like the better catch today. Who knows, maybe I will change my mind tomorrow.

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