Why I am With G and NOT J. (Part I)
I will start from the semi-beginning (for the very beginning of my relationship w/ J read my first few posts). J and I dated for 2 years. We were instantly smitten with one another and felt a strong connection from the second we knew of one another. We were both one another's' first true love.
We broke up almost exactly 2 years after we first met because J needed to find himself apart from me. Our lives were so interconnected even though we lived so far apart he was afraid he would possibly give up all of his dreams for me. I wanted him to be happy, so told him we should break up, so we separated on January 3, 2000. Our intentions were to separate to clear our minds, then get back together and marry. Everyone who knew us was certian we would marry and couldn't believe we ever broke up. After separating from J I lost my mind and tried to focus on any negative aspect of our relationship. After living with intense pain for 3 months I decided I couldn't go back with him, because I feared having my heart broken all over again. He emailed me every day or week, telling me how much he loved me and how he regretted ever doubting our relationship. He begged and begged me to give our relationship another chance. During the time we separated I started seeing lots of other people to distract me from my intense love for J. I kept digging myself deeper and deeper into an intense state of denial to the point I didn't even know who I was anymore.
One day my best friend, Mel and I ran into G and his friend. Mel knew G and they were semi-friends. The first thing G said to me was..."I heard you broke up w/ J", which I couldn't believe because we didn't' even go to the same school and I NEVER talked to him. I guess my break up was the talk of the town, since most guys wanted to date me. G invited us to dinner and we agreed, although I very reluctantly. From that day G all of a sudden became best buds with Mel, although looking back he was just using her to get to me. He started hanging out with us almost every day. I completely blew him off and was truly a bitch to him for almost 2 months. Then one day he asked if he could hold my hand and I again reluctantly agreed (seems to be a common thread throughout our relationship). Several weeks later we kissed for the first time. I felt so sick to my stomach and so embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to know I would kiss such a player. We started spending more time together and began dating, although he was seeing 2 others at the same time (one I didn't know about and the other he broke it off with the day we kissed). When I found out about the other girl 3 months later I broke up with his looser ass. I knew I deserved so much better, but inside I couldn't even bear to deal with a hint of relational pain, because I was still feeling so much pain and regret from not being with J, so I took him back several weeks later. He vowed to never talk to the other girl ever again, and begged me to come back. G made several significant changes in his life, so I figured, what the hell...I can at least use him if anything, until I find someone else. For the next 8 months I didn't even try in our relationship. I allowed him to spend oodles of money on me without even thinking twice. Secretly I wanted to get back at him for cheating on me. I imagined dumping him and breaking his heart after he fell head over heels for me.
I talked to J on and off throughout the time we dated. J couldn't' believe I was dating G, because we both met G for the first time while dating and shared similar views as to our disdain for him. J continued to express his undying love to me; I ignored his pleas and my own desires because I was in such denial. One day out of the blue J called me to warn me of a terrible dream he had the night before. He said I was trapped in a cabin in the mid of winter with G. G had been placing a blind over my eyes so I couldn't see the truth. J knew of G's lies and came on a snowmobile to remove me from G's trap and lies. G called me about 20 min after I finished talking with J and I told him I couldn't partake in the "surprise" he had planned on for the day. I became so upset I almost broke up with him. I later learned G planned to propose to me that very day! If only I would have listened to J, because he was so right! Less than a year later I found myself trapped in an extremely abusive relationship on the verge of suicide. G was not abusive at all until about one month after we wed...ironic. I felt so duped!
We broke up almost exactly 2 years after we first met because J needed to find himself apart from me. Our lives were so interconnected even though we lived so far apart he was afraid he would possibly give up all of his dreams for me. I wanted him to be happy, so told him we should break up, so we separated on January 3, 2000. Our intentions were to separate to clear our minds, then get back together and marry. Everyone who knew us was certian we would marry and couldn't believe we ever broke up. After separating from J I lost my mind and tried to focus on any negative aspect of our relationship. After living with intense pain for 3 months I decided I couldn't go back with him, because I feared having my heart broken all over again. He emailed me every day or week, telling me how much he loved me and how he regretted ever doubting our relationship. He begged and begged me to give our relationship another chance. During the time we separated I started seeing lots of other people to distract me from my intense love for J. I kept digging myself deeper and deeper into an intense state of denial to the point I didn't even know who I was anymore.
One day my best friend, Mel and I ran into G and his friend. Mel knew G and they were semi-friends. The first thing G said to me was..."I heard you broke up w/ J", which I couldn't believe because we didn't' even go to the same school and I NEVER talked to him. I guess my break up was the talk of the town, since most guys wanted to date me. G invited us to dinner and we agreed, although I very reluctantly. From that day G all of a sudden became best buds with Mel, although looking back he was just using her to get to me. He started hanging out with us almost every day. I completely blew him off and was truly a bitch to him for almost 2 months. Then one day he asked if he could hold my hand and I again reluctantly agreed (seems to be a common thread throughout our relationship). Several weeks later we kissed for the first time. I felt so sick to my stomach and so embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to know I would kiss such a player. We started spending more time together and began dating, although he was seeing 2 others at the same time (one I didn't know about and the other he broke it off with the day we kissed). When I found out about the other girl 3 months later I broke up with his looser ass. I knew I deserved so much better, but inside I couldn't even bear to deal with a hint of relational pain, because I was still feeling so much pain and regret from not being with J, so I took him back several weeks later. He vowed to never talk to the other girl ever again, and begged me to come back. G made several significant changes in his life, so I figured, what the hell...I can at least use him if anything, until I find someone else. For the next 8 months I didn't even try in our relationship. I allowed him to spend oodles of money on me without even thinking twice. Secretly I wanted to get back at him for cheating on me. I imagined dumping him and breaking his heart after he fell head over heels for me.
I talked to J on and off throughout the time we dated. J couldn't' believe I was dating G, because we both met G for the first time while dating and shared similar views as to our disdain for him. J continued to express his undying love to me; I ignored his pleas and my own desires because I was in such denial. One day out of the blue J called me to warn me of a terrible dream he had the night before. He said I was trapped in a cabin in the mid of winter with G. G had been placing a blind over my eyes so I couldn't see the truth. J knew of G's lies and came on a snowmobile to remove me from G's trap and lies. G called me about 20 min after I finished talking with J and I told him I couldn't partake in the "surprise" he had planned on for the day. I became so upset I almost broke up with him. I later learned G planned to propose to me that very day! If only I would have listened to J, because he was so right! Less than a year later I found myself trapped in an extremely abusive relationship on the verge of suicide. G was not abusive at all until about one month after we wed...ironic. I felt so duped!
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