Mini Vacation?
So G & I have seriously been discussing taking a small 3-4 night trip to SD where J now resides over the 4th of July weekend, so my "day dream" wasn't so unrealistic. After checking out a few hotels on the beach and finding them all booked, I think we may shoot for Labor day? I feel such an incredible urge to contact him and tell him I might be in town. I don't know how he would react or if he would even talk to me. I am afraid of him ignoring me though, so at this point, fear is keeping me from contacting him. I also don't want to interfere with his life especially if he is try to move on.
I would love it if he could show us around or at least give us some advice as to great beaches and snorkeling areas; but would that be super awkward? I haven't seen him in 5 years and to see him for the first time with my spouse seems so weird. I couldn't handle myself if he were to go to the beach with us...think Brad Pit in Troy... Damn! I think the situation would feel so strange and I would probably want to crawl in a hole somewhere. I also wonder if G would notice the "connection" which still exists between J & I. I keep telling myself seeing him will "help" me move on one way or the other, but every time I think something might improve my situation it only makes it worse.
And oh yes, my mind keeps reeling with all the possibilities of what "could" happen if I were to see him. More than anything I want to steal a sweet kiss with him, but with G there, I don't know how, especially since he gets jealous. I would have to act completely distant and uniterested if G were around. I did think of a scenario which could possibly work to secretly meet w/ J though: We would stay at a resort with a gym or workout room. I would tell G I am going to "workout" one night at 9:30 or so...he is usually already passed out by 9pm and he would come up with any excuse to avoid exercise. I would then meet w/ J while G slept in the hotel room. I am so devious, but thoughts like these plague my existence every day!
I talked with one of my good friends (also a coworker) about my situation...she knows the entire story, and like all of my friends, she thinks my story is so sweet and completely roots for J. Even at my wedding my entire family, all my wedding party, and even myself were wondering why J and I weren't getting married. I guess I haven't told my entire story yet, which will take forever, but explain so much. I will have to try another day when I don't have to get up at 5am.
Yesterday I went to the gym again even though I felt like I had a permanent side ache from doing such an intensive AB workout. I planned to go today with G, but of course any and all excuses came out, so we didn't go. I felt like hell this morning, my legs and arms hurt and I felt every stair with every muscle in my exhausted legs. I am going to go tomorrow right after work without even coming home so G won't try to sabotage my workout again. I feel as if I am already starting to notice results, but I think my self image is the only thing changing for now.
I would love it if he could show us around or at least give us some advice as to great beaches and snorkeling areas; but would that be super awkward? I haven't seen him in 5 years and to see him for the first time with my spouse seems so weird. I couldn't handle myself if he were to go to the beach with us...think Brad Pit in Troy... Damn! I think the situation would feel so strange and I would probably want to crawl in a hole somewhere. I also wonder if G would notice the "connection" which still exists between J & I. I keep telling myself seeing him will "help" me move on one way or the other, but every time I think something might improve my situation it only makes it worse.
And oh yes, my mind keeps reeling with all the possibilities of what "could" happen if I were to see him. More than anything I want to steal a sweet kiss with him, but with G there, I don't know how, especially since he gets jealous. I would have to act completely distant and uniterested if G were around. I did think of a scenario which could possibly work to secretly meet w/ J though: We would stay at a resort with a gym or workout room. I would tell G I am going to "workout" one night at 9:30 or so...he is usually already passed out by 9pm and he would come up with any excuse to avoid exercise. I would then meet w/ J while G slept in the hotel room. I am so devious, but thoughts like these plague my existence every day!
I talked with one of my good friends (also a coworker) about my situation...she knows the entire story, and like all of my friends, she thinks my story is so sweet and completely roots for J. Even at my wedding my entire family, all my wedding party, and even myself were wondering why J and I weren't getting married. I guess I haven't told my entire story yet, which will take forever, but explain so much. I will have to try another day when I don't have to get up at 5am.
Yesterday I went to the gym again even though I felt like I had a permanent side ache from doing such an intensive AB workout. I planned to go today with G, but of course any and all excuses came out, so we didn't go. I felt like hell this morning, my legs and arms hurt and I felt every stair with every muscle in my exhausted legs. I am going to go tomorrow right after work without even coming home so G won't try to sabotage my workout again. I feel as if I am already starting to notice results, but I think my self image is the only thing changing for now.
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