Letter to J I Can't Send
J~
I don't understand what happened between us. For some reason I thought we could at least be friends, but I guess not. No matter what happens you will always hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget the wonderful times we shared and the emotions which ensued. I really miss talking to you. I think the existing barrier, from which we aren't supposed to talk, makes the situation more difficult. In life I discovered I long for things I can't have and since I am not supposed to contact you (per your request) I want to even more. I wish more than anything I knew the answers, but I fear I never will. For some reason I can't get you out of my mind, which makes me wonder why? I think about you every day and am continually haunted in my dreams. I don't know if I will ever know why we didn't end up together, but I can't give up hope that we may be reunited some day, even if 50 years from now. A huge part of me wants to ignore my obligations and drop everything to drive to see you, but then my logic steps in screaming "NO, You can't...what if it doesn't work out!" I feel so torn by this situation because I love you. Sometimes I think I might be able to move on if I knew you didn't still love me too and feel exactly as I do. In some way I figure you will be able to do the same if you believe I don't love you, which explains why I pushed you away. I want you to find happiness in life, even if it isn't with me. The problem arises because we know one another too well and we both know our feelings haven't changed since we've been apart for the last 5.5 years.
I wonder why you haven't attempted to contact me at all. Do you care, do you want to talk to me or forget me? You told me to never contact you again, why? I guess I just don't understand and I wish you could help me understand why you would say such things. Do you really not have feelings for me and I am obsessing over something which doesn't exist? Did you say what you did out of spite with the intention of hurting me?
I don't know what the future holds, but I like having an open door in communication. I want to know how you are doing and what is new in your life. I like having someone to talk to. You were my only friend consistently online and I enjoyed talking to you. It is so difficult to just talk to you though, because emotions become involved and then our feelings get hurt if anything happens, unlike in normal friendships. I'm not sure our relationship can ever be just friends, as I know we both want more. The sexual and emotional tension is undeniable. Where do we go from here? Do you really never want me to contact you again? If so I will delete everything I have from you from my life, and block you from all my email addresses, so I won't be waiting hopelessly for any kind of contact.
I don't understand what happened between us. For some reason I thought we could at least be friends, but I guess not. No matter what happens you will always hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget the wonderful times we shared and the emotions which ensued. I really miss talking to you. I think the existing barrier, from which we aren't supposed to talk, makes the situation more difficult. In life I discovered I long for things I can't have and since I am not supposed to contact you (per your request) I want to even more. I wish more than anything I knew the answers, but I fear I never will. For some reason I can't get you out of my mind, which makes me wonder why? I think about you every day and am continually haunted in my dreams. I don't know if I will ever know why we didn't end up together, but I can't give up hope that we may be reunited some day, even if 50 years from now. A huge part of me wants to ignore my obligations and drop everything to drive to see you, but then my logic steps in screaming "NO, You can't...what if it doesn't work out!" I feel so torn by this situation because I love you. Sometimes I think I might be able to move on if I knew you didn't still love me too and feel exactly as I do. In some way I figure you will be able to do the same if you believe I don't love you, which explains why I pushed you away. I want you to find happiness in life, even if it isn't with me. The problem arises because we know one another too well and we both know our feelings haven't changed since we've been apart for the last 5.5 years.
I wonder why you haven't attempted to contact me at all. Do you care, do you want to talk to me or forget me? You told me to never contact you again, why? I guess I just don't understand and I wish you could help me understand why you would say such things. Do you really not have feelings for me and I am obsessing over something which doesn't exist? Did you say what you did out of spite with the intention of hurting me?
I don't know what the future holds, but I like having an open door in communication. I want to know how you are doing and what is new in your life. I like having someone to talk to. You were my only friend consistently online and I enjoyed talking to you. It is so difficult to just talk to you though, because emotions become involved and then our feelings get hurt if anything happens, unlike in normal friendships. I'm not sure our relationship can ever be just friends, as I know we both want more. The sexual and emotional tension is undeniable. Where do we go from here? Do you really never want me to contact you again? If so I will delete everything I have from you from my life, and block you from all my email addresses, so I won't be waiting hopelessly for any kind of contact.
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