Thanks for Helping Me See the Light!

Today I am sitting in a lonely hotel room in the midst of boredom. Earlier while lounging by the pool I started to think about my ex again. Thoughts of how great it could be to see him, how weird actually seeing him would be, etc. After returning to my room I decided to log online and of course he was signed in as well. I casually said hi and we talked briefly. He sent me a few photos of him scantily clad at work. To my surprise he had gotten two (or more I couldn't see) tattoos. I don't have anything against people with tattoos, but I didn't think he was the type of person to get them. I thought I knew him better.

A huge issue has occurred in the past about me not having a job. Since I didn't have a job I couldn't possibly leave my situation if I so chose. I mentioned I finally found a job and he didn't even say anything about it, ask what I do, nothing! I personally wouldn't choose to be so rude, but hey man...thanks for helping me see the light!

We are supposed to be "friends", but in reality if any one of my other friends were to treat me as rudely as he does I would rip them a new ass hole and they definitely wouldn't be considered a friend. Why do I sit back and allow him to treat me like shit? First, I supposedly still love him and care about him, but if I loved myself I wouldn't allow myself to be treated like crap. Secondly, if one doesn't love themselves they don't have the capacity to truly love others. So what does this mean... I don't know? I know I can love others, but I may possibly be infatuated with the thought of being with him because of the excitement and uncertainty. I think I've created a perfect person in my mind, but I'm slowly regaining my sense of reality because I don't even know who he is anymore. Maybe he has also created the same ideal for me? The more I talk or don't talk to him the clearer my decision becomes to stay with my spouse. If my decision is becoming clearer, then why do I even still talk to him? I wish I didn't feel such a strong urge to talk to him all the time. The situation is screwed up. I will try to post more later as an interesting conversation is currently unfolding.

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