Letter to "J"...
Wow, I can't believe the conversation that ensued yesterday after I only stated my feelings. Your reaction only reiterated the fact that I have no idea who you are anymore. The J I knew would never tell me to "never" talk to him again or over react at such a small statement. Stonewalling (avoiding issues which need to be addressed/shutting down) is one of the 4 major predictors of divorce (Gottman). I remember we never fought while dating and would always discuss issues, now it seems we do the complete opposite. You barely even talk to me anymore. I'm not sure if you just don't care anymore or if it is too difficult due to the intense emotions which arrise from contact with me? I guess it isn't for me to worry about. Feelings other than love arise out of fear. I can only assume the statements yesterday were made out of feelings of fear. I won't assume what you may have been fearing, but I have a good idea.
The events over the last few months have increasingly made my decision clearer by the day. I can't be with someone I can't even communicate with or whom treats me so badly. Honestly, I can't think of anyone in my life whom treats me the way you do. If someone does treat me rudely, they are always quick to apologize. Funny, I've never received one apology from you...ever! I certainly wouldn't put up with poor treatment from anyone else, and I'm no longer going to subject myself to the manipulative games which ensue during our heated or almost non existent conversations. Maybe you treated me the same way while we were dating and I didn't even realize it, but now my eyes are wide open and I will no longer tolerate such treatment. I only pray you treat your significant other much better than you treat me. I thought we could be friends, but obviously not. I don't allow so called friends to treat me so disrespectfully. I bet you thought I would buy into the manipulative tactics and beg you to change your mind, but I didn't. I'm done playing games. You don't want me to ever contact you again and I won't after this. It is over! There is no chance we can be together even if I were to break up with G.
I sit here asking myself how I could have put so many hopes and dreams into someone I didn't even know, and now I think I know. I subconsciously made you into the perfect person for me and was able to do so because we hardly ever spoke and never saw one another. I seemed to "forget" all the negative aspects of our relationship and only dwelled on the positive. Creating an ideal person was a coping mechanisim during the trials of my life... an escape from reality. I have been slowly awaking to the reality that a truly perfect person doesn't exist for me and you are not him. I don't believe we only have one soul mate or one perfect mate. We as humans have the capacity to love anyone or anything, because love, like any emotion is a choice. Writing this letter isn't easy for me to do, because I don't want to let go of the thought that the perfect person exists to rescue me from the negative aspects of my life. I have to rescue myself and wake up to the reality that life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect, and I'm not perfect. Thoughts of you and a life with you have always represented my hope of achieving perfection in my life...a perfection I've been hesitant to actualize because subconsciously I knew it never existed. Thanks for helping me face reality. I wish our situation could be different, but the past must stay in the past (no use dwelling on the past). I hope you can find yourself and discover the reality in your life. Good luck in the present and future. Goodbye.
The events over the last few months have increasingly made my decision clearer by the day. I can't be with someone I can't even communicate with or whom treats me so badly. Honestly, I can't think of anyone in my life whom treats me the way you do. If someone does treat me rudely, they are always quick to apologize. Funny, I've never received one apology from you...ever! I certainly wouldn't put up with poor treatment from anyone else, and I'm no longer going to subject myself to the manipulative games which ensue during our heated or almost non existent conversations. Maybe you treated me the same way while we were dating and I didn't even realize it, but now my eyes are wide open and I will no longer tolerate such treatment. I only pray you treat your significant other much better than you treat me. I thought we could be friends, but obviously not. I don't allow so called friends to treat me so disrespectfully. I bet you thought I would buy into the manipulative tactics and beg you to change your mind, but I didn't. I'm done playing games. You don't want me to ever contact you again and I won't after this. It is over! There is no chance we can be together even if I were to break up with G.
I sit here asking myself how I could have put so many hopes and dreams into someone I didn't even know, and now I think I know. I subconsciously made you into the perfect person for me and was able to do so because we hardly ever spoke and never saw one another. I seemed to "forget" all the negative aspects of our relationship and only dwelled on the positive. Creating an ideal person was a coping mechanisim during the trials of my life... an escape from reality. I have been slowly awaking to the reality that a truly perfect person doesn't exist for me and you are not him. I don't believe we only have one soul mate or one perfect mate. We as humans have the capacity to love anyone or anything, because love, like any emotion is a choice. Writing this letter isn't easy for me to do, because I don't want to let go of the thought that the perfect person exists to rescue me from the negative aspects of my life. I have to rescue myself and wake up to the reality that life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect, and I'm not perfect. Thoughts of you and a life with you have always represented my hope of achieving perfection in my life...a perfection I've been hesitant to actualize because subconsciously I knew it never existed. Thanks for helping me face reality. I wish our situation could be different, but the past must stay in the past (no use dwelling on the past). I hope you can find yourself and discover the reality in your life. Good luck in the present and future. Goodbye.
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