Soul Mates, Love, Relationships...Worth the Pain?

The more I ponder over the issue, I begin to believe soul mates don't exist or at least my ex isn't/wasn't my soul mate. I know so many odd things happened in our relationship which led me to believe our love was meant to be, which may have been so during a small portion of my life. Our relationship and all the ironic events could have been a fluke, which I still can't explain. Maybe I am trying to rationalize and convince myself he isn't my soul mate so I can move on with my life...I don't know? The last words he "typed" to me were "I am leaving xx today. Take Care." What in the hell is that supposed to mean? I am assuming he is heading for CA and won't be going out of his way to say hi. Typical I guess. I must admit, I am a little upset that he can't even tell me or type to me when I am actually online. Why does he have to be so discrete and try to confuse me? I guess it may be part of his "game plan", who knows? For a while I actually thought he might follow through, and in the back of my mind hoped he would, and still do. I guess I will know for sure in 5 days what will become of the situation. If he doesn't come and continues to blow me off (ie. doesn't even tell me "I am not coming") I have to take action and end this crazy relationship. I am serious and hope I can follow through if need be. I "plan" to delete any reference to him, all contact info., all emails, etc., so even if I am tempted I can't contact him. I know for my plan to work I have to block all his emails, text messages, etc, but I'm not sure if I can. I have to buff up and remove all chances of contact, and I pray I can. Even if I do my part he still knows where I live (not that he would go out of his way to see me or anything) and has my #, and my family's' information. My mom still sends him, and his family Christmas cards. I guess I can do my part and know I tried to end the relationship...if I can. Right now I am in the hypothetical breaking it off stage.

My advice to anyone whom may read my confused blog would be to guard your heart, because once you love someone they will always be in your heart (whether you want them to be or not). Sometimes love is worth the risk, but not always, especially if it leads to such inner turmoil. Think before you get involved, you may have to live with your decision your entire life, hopefully it won't haunt you.

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