I'm Letting Love Go...

Well as I suspected I am quite sure he isn't coming. He hasn't said anything to me actually. I think he plans to blow me off again, like he did almost one year ago for 3 months or longer. I must end this insane game we seem to be playing. I have to move on from my past and leave my past in the past where it probably belongs. Saying goodbye is so hard. Maybe I will just block his calls, emails, IM's, etc. and delete any reference to him. I know I can't delete my past, but I can remove temptation from my life, which entices me to continue playing a losing game. I will have to at least send one last email to tell him to stop contacting me so we can both move on. I will wait until Monday afternoon at least (the day he said he might come) to send the letter in the case he does come. I'm sure his reaction will be the same... "I don't want to loose you, I'm sorry, I want you in my life, I love you, I want to be with you, I can't get you off my mind...etc". Who knows, he may do something crazy because he will know I am serious this time. How does one act when their game is cut short unexpectedly? Enough is enough, even though so difficult. I guess I must live one day at a time, for each day I become closer to my goal of breaking the chains of the past. I don't know what has gotten into me lately, but I feel as if a veil has been lifted from my life. I feel confident about my life and the future I have made for myself. I can see out into the future and he isn't there. I know one week ago I wouldn't have been able to even write what I am now, so something has changed. Maybe I am so disappointed in the game he keeps trying to play and subconsciously I've decided to move on? I guess I will wait to see what happens, to see if he even bothers to tell me he isn't coming and/or what his reaction will be to my email.

No Giving Up (but I'm giving up)

So you found out today your life's not the same
Not quite as perfect as it was yesterday but
When you were just getting in the groove
Now you're faced with something new
And I know it hurts and I know you feel torn
But you never gave up this easily before
So why do you choose today to give it all away

Well it's not so bad y'all
Together we all fall
Just as long we get up we'll stand tall
We shouldn't waste another day
Thinking 'bout the things that we forgot to say

I'm hittin' back y'all
Kickin' these four walls
Just as hard as I can til I can't crawl
I won't waste another day
With all these silly things
Swimmin' in my brain

[Chorus]
There's no giving up now
Do you really want to give this all away
Can't you ever see things in a different way
Somedays
No giving up now
Such a beautiful thing to throw away
You should think things through
Over and over again

All over again
So your scars fade away
You soaked up the pain
A better person 'cause you lived through those days
And now you know what it's like to prove
You can overcome anything that gets to you
Well it's alright
We're sayin' our goodbyes
To the past and everything that ain't right
We won't waste another day
With all these silly things in our way

[Chorus]

I know we have given
All that we can give
When there's nothing to lean on
Well, I remember this
All we make of this lifetime
Is always here within
And remembering that's why
We should never give in

[Chorus]

There's no giving up now

~Crossfade- No Giving Up Now

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