Double Edged Sword...One More Day
Lately I've been successfully staying very busy, so busy I don't have time to even say hi to my ex. Staying busy is great because I don't have time to think as much about my ex and I always forget to eat (hence, my gut is slowly diminishing again). The problem arises when I must stop doing 5 things at once and go to sleep. I can't control my dreams, and of course last night I dreamed of him. I haven't remembered any of my dreams for the last week, but I sure remember last nights dream. I wish I would just forget any dreams of him, like I forget the rest of my dreams. When I dream of him and remember, I can't stop thinking about him, which drives me crazy. I've been trying so hard to be proactive by refraining from contacting him. I've actually succeeded for an entire week, which is huge for me. Dreaming of him makes my goals for proactivity so much more difficult though.
I feel like my situation is a double edged sword. On one hand I know I have to let go of the past and deal with the situation I am already involved in (my marriage). I made a choice the day I said yes, so I have to stick with it. I can't be so self centered to think the pursuit of happiness isn't an illusion, because it is on earth. Once a desired 'thing' is acquired, it no longer represents 'happiness', because we continually alter our standards to desire more (vacation isn't vacation if we make it our life style). Once we obtain our goal, we realize the goal won't make us happy. For some reason I can't bring myself to tell him I have to let go, I know my heart keeps holding on. The only way I know how to deal with the situation at hand involves refraining from contacting him. If he contacts me, fine, but I won't go out of my way to do so. On the other hand I still love this guy. I don't want to ignore him, rather I want to talk to him and see how his day went. I want to see him and make sure he is ok. I have to keep telling myself I love him enough to let go, but it is so damn hard! I love him so much I want to hang on forever and never let go. I thought I wanted him to move on and be happy with someone else, but when he became serious with someone I couldn't handle it. I know him too well and knew he was going to make the same mistake I did. I didn't' want to see him hurt again. I had to open my big mouth and tell him to be careful, oh and that I still loved him. I think what I did was very unfair, but then again, denying the truth is also unfair (double edged sword again). I wish for one day I could forget all my cares and troubles and be with him. Maybe then my heart could begin to heal and move on, or maybe I'd just wish for one more day?
First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second say a million I love you's
that's what I'd do for one more day with you!
(repeat chorus)
I feel like my situation is a double edged sword. On one hand I know I have to let go of the past and deal with the situation I am already involved in (my marriage). I made a choice the day I said yes, so I have to stick with it. I can't be so self centered to think the pursuit of happiness isn't an illusion, because it is on earth. Once a desired 'thing' is acquired, it no longer represents 'happiness', because we continually alter our standards to desire more (vacation isn't vacation if we make it our life style). Once we obtain our goal, we realize the goal won't make us happy. For some reason I can't bring myself to tell him I have to let go, I know my heart keeps holding on. The only way I know how to deal with the situation at hand involves refraining from contacting him. If he contacts me, fine, but I won't go out of my way to do so. On the other hand I still love this guy. I don't want to ignore him, rather I want to talk to him and see how his day went. I want to see him and make sure he is ok. I have to keep telling myself I love him enough to let go, but it is so damn hard! I love him so much I want to hang on forever and never let go. I thought I wanted him to move on and be happy with someone else, but when he became serious with someone I couldn't handle it. I know him too well and knew he was going to make the same mistake I did. I didn't' want to see him hurt again. I had to open my big mouth and tell him to be careful, oh and that I still loved him. I think what I did was very unfair, but then again, denying the truth is also unfair (double edged sword again). I wish for one day I could forget all my cares and troubles and be with him. Maybe then my heart could begin to heal and move on, or maybe I'd just wish for one more day?
One More Day
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me it could be for anything
I didn't ask for money or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you
(chorus)
One more day
One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you!
A wish was granted just for me it could be for anything
I didn't ask for money or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you
(chorus)
One more day
One more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you!
First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl
I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second say a million I love you's
that's what I'd do for one more day with you!
(repeat chorus)
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Diamond Rio - One More Day
Diamond Rio - One More Day
Comments
Staying busy is such a good idea to keep your mind off the situation for a bit. Unfortuantely when things slow down the same issues still exist, so I hope you're able to give it some thought. Do you feel like you've gained any clarity lately? I don't feel like I'm in any position to give any sort of advice on the situation, but I truly hope you can find a solution that will make YOU happy in the long-run.
Take care :)