Happy Valentine's Day!
On V-day I was shocked to receive an email from J's sister. I haven't seen or talked to her in 7-8 years and didn't even realize she remembered me. I'm wondering if J said something to her, because she mentioned a lot about J and repeated almost everything he recently told me, but in more detail. She said he has met a lot of new people and was engaged (but the girl has moved on I guess), but now is single still looking for that "special someone". She told me how she was doing and asked how I was. It just seems odd I would hear from them both in such a short period of time. Do you think J asked his sister to email me or is it just a fluke?
G and I did absolutely nothing for V-day. I have a card for him, but didn't give it to him yet, because I'm hoping he plans to do something this weekend. My only gift involved him mentioning he has a job offer in MT! Although he was super elated, I just couldn't share his joy for many reasons. First, he told me earlier this year to pursue my teaching certificate and said he would stop looking for jobs in MT until I finished. So, now I've started and he wants to move. In addition, the housing market recently bombed, so it is the worst possible time to sell our house. The job is located about 2 hours from the city our family lives in, so I wouldn't get to see them every week like I wanted. Plus, we will have to purchase at least 1 new vehicle since he currently drives a company truck. Next, the housing market is the same as where we live now, which means another mortgage, but the measly salary wouldn't allow for us to have a mortgage because he would make half what we are now. If it was in our home town we could take a minimal pay cut, because we could easily afford a home without having a mortgage payment.
I'm so frustrated I feel like my head is going to explode, hence I just can't get in the mood to work on my 45 assignments and 30 discussions due for school right now (even though I have less than a month to complete half and can in no way complete one per day). G also told me I should double my class load and keep working, because "I can do it". Yeah, maybe if I didn't work full time too! He is such a selfish ass! I told him I am staying if he decides to accept the job offer, at least until I finish my degree which may now take 1 to 1.5 years. I don't know how it would work out for us to have two house payments and a new vehicle with half the income?
I'm to a point where I can't visualize a happy ending or contentment in my life with G or anyone else. I wish I could exchange my life and live on an island in the tropics where I wouldn't need a job, a partner, or anything. I can usually deal with the stressors in my life, but I have too many (school, my health, G, moving, my job). I am torn between my family and my health and sanity. I love the warm climate I live in now and can't imagine going back to the dreary cold. I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) which means I get extremely depressed in the dreary Northern winters without sunshine. In addition I was recently diagnosed with Raynaud's Syndrome which means the veins in my limbs contract instead of expanding when exposed to cold or extreme stress. The ramifications mean loss of feeling in my fingers and toes, a propensity for frostbite and gangrene if I become too cold. Even at 65 degrees I can't feel my fingers or toes and I am supposed to live in temperatures of 40 degrees and lower for 9 months out of the year? My doctor even told me I should NEVER move North. I'm wondering if I'm being selfish, but in order to be available and healthy I need to take care of myself. I feel so torn.
G and I did absolutely nothing for V-day. I have a card for him, but didn't give it to him yet, because I'm hoping he plans to do something this weekend. My only gift involved him mentioning he has a job offer in MT! Although he was super elated, I just couldn't share his joy for many reasons. First, he told me earlier this year to pursue my teaching certificate and said he would stop looking for jobs in MT until I finished. So, now I've started and he wants to move. In addition, the housing market recently bombed, so it is the worst possible time to sell our house. The job is located about 2 hours from the city our family lives in, so I wouldn't get to see them every week like I wanted. Plus, we will have to purchase at least 1 new vehicle since he currently drives a company truck. Next, the housing market is the same as where we live now, which means another mortgage, but the measly salary wouldn't allow for us to have a mortgage because he would make half what we are now. If it was in our home town we could take a minimal pay cut, because we could easily afford a home without having a mortgage payment.
I'm so frustrated I feel like my head is going to explode, hence I just can't get in the mood to work on my 45 assignments and 30 discussions due for school right now (even though I have less than a month to complete half and can in no way complete one per day). G also told me I should double my class load and keep working, because "I can do it". Yeah, maybe if I didn't work full time too! He is such a selfish ass! I told him I am staying if he decides to accept the job offer, at least until I finish my degree which may now take 1 to 1.5 years. I don't know how it would work out for us to have two house payments and a new vehicle with half the income?
I'm to a point where I can't visualize a happy ending or contentment in my life with G or anyone else. I wish I could exchange my life and live on an island in the tropics where I wouldn't need a job, a partner, or anything. I can usually deal with the stressors in my life, but I have too many (school, my health, G, moving, my job). I am torn between my family and my health and sanity. I love the warm climate I live in now and can't imagine going back to the dreary cold. I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) which means I get extremely depressed in the dreary Northern winters without sunshine. In addition I was recently diagnosed with Raynaud's Syndrome which means the veins in my limbs contract instead of expanding when exposed to cold or extreme stress. The ramifications mean loss of feeling in my fingers and toes, a propensity for frostbite and gangrene if I become too cold. Even at 65 degrees I can't feel my fingers or toes and I am supposed to live in temperatures of 40 degrees and lower for 9 months out of the year? My doctor even told me I should NEVER move North. I'm wondering if I'm being selfish, but in order to be available and healthy I need to take care of myself. I feel so torn.
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