Jumping out of my skin!!!

I just woke up from a dream about J. I feel frantic, lost, and so confused. I could swear the dream was real and the feelings seem even more real. I don't know how I can begin to forgive myself for not giving J another chance. I pray he can forgive himself too for pushing me away to begin with. It feels like I made the wrong decision being w/ G and that G is only with me because he knows J loves me and doesn't want him to have me. I feel like I can't contain the emotions in my body right now. Every part of me wants to find out where J is and get to him as fast as humanly possible. If J feels or felt anything close to what I am right now I can understand why he couldn't let go. Why did I have this dream? Why does life have to be so confusing? Why do my emotions seem so strong for J that I just want to jump out of my skin?

In the dream I was camping with G and J was there. We were all in the same tent and I was cuddling with both G and J. All I wanted was to be alone with J, but G was there...observing, protecting what was his.

I pray I can withstand these emotional roller coasters. I am crying inside and would be on the outside, but I have to go to work. The emotions are more than overwhelming. Lord, please help me. I feel so weak right now, I need your help and guidance.

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