I've Been Thinking...
I am still not sure what to think. I became incredibly angry this morning while thinking about the possibility of my spouse reading my blog and playing it off as dreams. I prayed about the situation and instantly felt at peace, and knew he hadn't read my blog. I asked him this evening if he ever read my journal and he said he had on one occasion about 3 years ago when he stumbled across it. This of course being my hand written journal. He said he only read about one paragraph before he had to stop because he couldn't bear to read more. I think he said he was upset with me for 3 or more weeks from what he read and didn't want to put himself through the same torment again. I believe he hasn't read my blog and know he would be honest with me about it if he did. I don't think he even knows what a "blog" is, actually. I only access my blog on our home computer, which he hasn't accessed for almost a month or more. He only uses he laptop. Today he wrote me the sweetest email, which brought tears to my eyes. I still can't believe how understanding he has been. I know he is hurt, and he fears I will leave him. I think we have talked more in the last 3 days than in the last 3 months combined. I am starting to see a lot of hope for the future of our relationship.
After thinking long and hard about all the possibilities I know some kind of divine intervention had to of occurred. He knew more detail than I ever mentioned in my blog or told anyone, more than I even recalled myself. I am still in shock, while mortified and relieved at the same time. I think events occur for a reason, and looking back I can see a build up to this point. I think if I had opened my eyes before and taken the kind of action I needed to, this wouldn't have happened.
I deleted J from my email address books and blocked his email. He now has no way of contacting me unless he can somehow find my unlisted VOIP # or through my family or friends. I think it is weird that G still has him on his IM, and don't know why he does to begin with, but I think I am going to request he delete him as well. I think I will still feel temptation to contact him, because I do have his email in my "block" list. I am still in shock from the reel of events in the last few days.
After thinking long and hard about all the possibilities I know some kind of divine intervention had to of occurred. He knew more detail than I ever mentioned in my blog or told anyone, more than I even recalled myself. I am still in shock, while mortified and relieved at the same time. I think events occur for a reason, and looking back I can see a build up to this point. I think if I had opened my eyes before and taken the kind of action I needed to, this wouldn't have happened.
I deleted J from my email address books and blocked his email. He now has no way of contacting me unless he can somehow find my unlisted VOIP # or through my family or friends. I think it is weird that G still has him on his IM, and don't know why he does to begin with, but I think I am going to request he delete him as well. I think I will still feel temptation to contact him, because I do have his email in my "block" list. I am still in shock from the reel of events in the last few days.
Comments
But, Biblical allusions aside, I'm glad you seem to have decided to make things work with your husband. As a husband who was left by his spouse, I think you're doing the better thing. It's not easy to stay and work on a relationship, but, in the end, I think, I hope, you'll find that it's a better option than running away.
Good luck!