The Easy Way Out or In???

As usual, on my daily commute I had time to think, and realized an interesting aspect about my human nature. I experience a strong urge to choose the easiest route though life, even though it may not be the best route or make sense in the long run. I also feel extreme guilt for possibly hurting anyone's feelings. The reason I came to this realization is because today I "officially" provided my employer with my written two week notice. I keep having second thoughts and doubting my decision to do what I know is the job I've always wanted. Why would I do such a thing? I realized staying at my current job is the easy solution. I don't have to say goodbye, go through the discomfort of the next two weeks, say bye to my clients, experience a 5% pay decrease and a 13% decrease in 5 mo (since I was getting a raise), etc. In exchange I would keep an incredibly stressful and draining job with no personal life, and as my chiropractor said...be on the fast track to 80! Thank God I felt the fear and did it anyway! I put in my two weeks notice...My supervisor was out today, so I guess I will reap the repercussions tomorrow, but the BIG BOSS told me she would be sad to see me go, especially since I am so smart and dedicated to my clients. All my coworkers were sad today, I could see it on their faces, but they were happy I was getting out of the hole.

So, after processing my realization all day long I also realized this incident relates to J as well. I knew he was the right guy for me and we were perfect together, but I stayed with G because it was easier than saying goodbye to another guy in my life. How sad! Looking back I have no regrets though. I am glad I finally learned from my mistake and didn't make the same mistake again. I am happy with G and think I have finally moved on from J. I haven't dreamed of him for a long time, I also don't feel an overwhelming urge to contact him all the time. Now, he resides in my mind as "just some guy from my past who I used to love romantically". I still care very much about J as a friend, but something has changed in my feelings towards him. I don't how how or when, but I feel differently now. I think I finally reached acceptance of my past mistakes and decided I need to move on instead of dwelling in the past. Yay for me! Maybe I will have another break down, but I will utilize everything I've learned throughout my tremendous growth process, and continue to move forward.

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