I Need to Spend Time on ME for Once!


I don't like the person I've become, but I don't know how to change. I put on a happy face around common acquaintances, so most people think I am the sweetest, nicest, and happiest person they know. Inside I am so angry...Depression is anger turned inward. I only show anger towards G, because I know he will love me no matter what. I wish I wasn't so mean to him all the time, but I feel safe venting to him or taking my anger out on him. I know it isn't right and I wish I knew how to change. In public or even private, my anger is usually released through tears. I feel so angry today and so bitchy. My body aches because I am so tense. I am so intent on holding in all the anger I feel that I take life SO seriously. I hardly ever laugh or even take time to indulge in a joke. I don't focus on myself, but rather business and what needs to be done. I focus so much on everything and everyone else I loose sight of myself and my needs. Therefore, my health is failing, I am depressed, and so angry. I finally saw a chiropractor and he said my back resembles that of a 80 year old, not a person in their 20's. I know I need to find a new job, but I just don't have time. I didn't leave the office until after 7 yesterday, so I spent over 12 hours at work!!! I am still so far behind I can never catch up. I will be out of the office almost all next week for vacation, visits, and court. My clients are so psychotic, it makes me feel crazy just working with them.

The world is so corrupt. I've been ripped off so many times lately. Last week I found out my two dogs are related, so I can't breed them. The breeder lied to me and withheld the registration documents for 2 months, so of course I can't give my baby back now. I was also screwed by my security company...I had to sign a three year contract and pay up front, well I just received a notice that my security system will be shut off in 2 weeks because the asshole pocketed my payment and didn't pay the contracted company. I received on year of service for the awesome price of 3! My mom was also ripped off last week too when a car dealer sold her a car that didn't even make it across town. She had to hire a tow truck to pick her up. The guy then proceeded to verbally bash my parents and sister. He threatened to sue and tried to cash her check. Luckily the hasn't bothered her after she cancelled her check and told him to deal with her lawyer. Which reminds me... my sister bought a super cute car 2 months ago and was in a serious roll over accident 2 weeks ago. She should have died, but thank God she didn't even have a scratch. Thus, my mom had to buy her a new car since she is only 16. I feel so bad for her because she lost 5k with her car because she couldn't pay $350/mo for full coverage. Thankfully my parents are going to buy her a car now. I think the corruption in the world is really pissing me off today. It seems like everyone is out for themselves and doesn't give a damn about how many people they leave in the dust. It sickens me!

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