Intolerance...

Holy cow. I just drank a few shots and damn, I am sure wasted! I don't know that I've ever felt like this before. I haven't drank for quite some time since I'm not supposed to mix alcohol w/ several of my current medications, oh and I forgot to eat today. I used to be able to down 15 or so shots just fine, but I guess a highball of vodka is just too much right now. If I had J's number I would call him now, how dumb is that? I actually I'Med him and said horrible things. I found his yahoo address through an email my friend Mel sent me. She doesn't BBC her messages so I get all the people. Damn, I feel so dizzy. I hope I can make it downstairs. I already twisted my ankle trying to go down once before. I wish G were here. I need someone and I am all alone. I couldn't take the pain and heartache anymore. I had to attempt to block it out at least for a few hours. I hope I can get up for church tomorrow. Crap, what in the hell am I doing? I can't believe I contacted J in a drunken stupor. I am sure I sound so freaked desperate, when it is the last thing I want to do. Oh God please help me. I can't tolerate this pain any longer. I already wrote a post, but my damn mouse and keyboard stopped working. I don't know why? I'm not functioning on an intellectual enough level at this point to know why. I left 3 messages for G to help me out but he is out partying w/ friends and family. I can't stop the spinning.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I've read your entire blog.
Been here before. Sure to be back.
I also live with pain (physical)
I also have a "j" in my life.
If I find a solution... I'll let u know...
10/06/2005 12:37 PM
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