Everything Changes

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel
When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could
Learn how to feel
Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
And would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel
~Everything Changes ~ Staind

For some reason I can't quite find the words to say the way I feel. Maybe I don't even know? I went to the doctor yesterday and received an ultrasound. They found numerous growths, and even abnormalities in my uterus, but said my ovaries look normal, which is good. I am still waiting for the specialist to call me with the final results. Endometriosis doesn't show up on ultrasound, but tissue abnormalities do. My severe pain is still unexplained, which is so frustrating. I was super happy to hear a tiny bit of good news. I need to schedule another appointment to have another brain scan through, because I have been experiencing extended bouts of severe migraines. I've had 5 this week already. A few years ago when I was in an auto accident I had a PET scan and the doctor found a growth on my brain. He disregarded it for the time being because I wasn't experiencing any related symptoms. He did mention I need to have it checked if I begin getting headaches or migraines. I don't know how much more news I can take about my failing health. I am only 23 and have more problems than most people have in a life time. I guess I just need to remain optimistic and believe what happens, happens.

So tonight my neighbor invited G and I to a Halloween party. I didn't want to purchase a costume so I am going as Daisy Duke I guess, and G will go as another character from Dukes of Hazard. Dressing sexy is certainly not my thing, but it is a little exciting for me... LOL. Sometimes I wish I wasn't tied down in a relationship. Being single, flirting, and feeling a rush of emotions when meeting someone new is so exciting. For most of my dating life I was tied down in a monogamous relationship. After breaking up with J I was heartbroken, but loved all the attention I received from guys who knew I was single. Being a tease was so fun...guys play the field, why does society tend to look down upon females who do? Single females: take advantage of what you have. You will miss it when it's gone!

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