Beyond Words!
To say the least, this weekend has not been the best. As I sit typing with my ears ringing I find myself angry beyond words. I feel so angry I can feel the pressure on my heart and every part of my body. I have to mentally tell myself to take each breath. I wish I could break down and cry, but don't feel safe letting my walls down because G will use my weakness against me. I honestly didn't know I could possibly hold so much hatred and animosity towards any living thing, but feel so enraged towards G. I don't know exactly why either, because everything that happened is nothing new for us, but maybe the culmination of numerous irritants over the past three days has pushed me beyond my breaking point.
On Friday we started tearing apart our kitchen to install granite countertops. We have done nothing but bicker and fight the entire weekend. In addition, G decided it would be a great idea to cut wood and cement board in our kitchen, leaving everything covered in dust, including at least 1/4" in all my cabinets. Everything has to be taken out and washed. Yesterday I felt so sick from all the toxic dust (cement board contains many warnings about inhaling the toxic dust when cut) I thought I would pass out. G didn't even give a shit and kept cutting inside! I can't believe what a fucking moron he can be. Of course I am expected to clean up everything when any type of dust severely aggravates my asthma and allergies. I usually take two pills per day when my allergies are particularly severe, yet I only have enough to take one per day until I can see my doctor to obtain a refill. I don't even have an inhaler for my asthma either and am waiting until I can get into the doctor on Thursday. I am also angry because anytime I make a suggestion or give my opinion on something G treats me like I am a complete moron. He ignores me and then screws up and gets pissed at me, when he could have avoided his costly mistakes if he listened to me for once. We were supposed to have all the tile laid yesterday, but it isn't even half completed today, because G knows everything (obviously). Thus I will be without my kitchen for the rest of the week now. I can't even run the dishwasher.
I am to the point I don't know what to do anymore for the sake of my sanity. I feel as if I've gone completely mad. I hope to God I will feel better tomorrow. Yesterday, (with a reluctant G) I signed up for a 2 month class at our church about combating divorce in marriage. I hope it helps, because something has to change. I can't continue living with hate and resentment towards my spouse, whom I have absolutely no desire to be near. I can see why so many married couples resort to affairs.
On Friday we started tearing apart our kitchen to install granite countertops. We have done nothing but bicker and fight the entire weekend. In addition, G decided it would be a great idea to cut wood and cement board in our kitchen, leaving everything covered in dust, including at least 1/4" in all my cabinets. Everything has to be taken out and washed. Yesterday I felt so sick from all the toxic dust (cement board contains many warnings about inhaling the toxic dust when cut) I thought I would pass out. G didn't even give a shit and kept cutting inside! I can't believe what a fucking moron he can be. Of course I am expected to clean up everything when any type of dust severely aggravates my asthma and allergies. I usually take two pills per day when my allergies are particularly severe, yet I only have enough to take one per day until I can see my doctor to obtain a refill. I don't even have an inhaler for my asthma either and am waiting until I can get into the doctor on Thursday. I am also angry because anytime I make a suggestion or give my opinion on something G treats me like I am a complete moron. He ignores me and then screws up and gets pissed at me, when he could have avoided his costly mistakes if he listened to me for once. We were supposed to have all the tile laid yesterday, but it isn't even half completed today, because G knows everything (obviously). Thus I will be without my kitchen for the rest of the week now. I can't even run the dishwasher.
I am to the point I don't know what to do anymore for the sake of my sanity. I feel as if I've gone completely mad. I hope to God I will feel better tomorrow. Yesterday, (with a reluctant G) I signed up for a 2 month class at our church about combating divorce in marriage. I hope it helps, because something has to change. I can't continue living with hate and resentment towards my spouse, whom I have absolutely no desire to be near. I can see why so many married couples resort to affairs.
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