Why do I Journal?

Lately, I've been pondering over the ideology of blogging. Everyone seems to have their own specific agenda in regard to writing online...

I initially began journaling online as a venue to release stress. In the past I've kept a journal, but didn't write frequently...just during very difficult times in my life. I always found solace looking back over my journal realizing how much I learned from my mistakes as I sorted through a recent trial. Writing provides a venue for me to mentally and physically sort out my life. In my journal I shared my deepest thoughts and secrets, yet always feared someone, G specifically, would find my journal and use it against me. One day I mishappenly stumbled upon a blog and found the idea quite intriguing...an online journal that doesn't have to be hidden, yet can be shared with others anonymously. I think the same day I began my own journal with an intent to focus and uncover my true intentions in regard to J. At the time I seriously did not know if I was supposed to be with J, G, or someone else. I felt extremely lost and alone, as I still do on occasion.

As I began to receive comments from individuals offering advice, encouragement, and/or insight, I began to write with a motive to receive attention and recognition. I wanted to hear other peoples' thoughts and opinions. I still love to receive comments, but now primarily blog just for me. Thus, I don't blog every day, but when convenient (I still wish I had more time to write at least 2-3 times per week). Although, realizing my regard for teaching and clarity, I must make my thoughts clear so that stray viewers don't feel lost and confused when reading for the first time or trying to catch up. I still read a few journals when I have a chance, but almost feel overwhelmed when I miss reading a journal for two weeks and have to read 10 posts just to catch up. Someday I may find the courage to share my journal with G or even J? I still suspect G knows already, but I can live with it. I won't change who I am or change my writing because I've been discovered... It only means I am no longer the one harboring a secret.

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