Disappointment

I sent this e-mail to G this morning. After being gone for 6 days, we spent less than 5 minutes together before he went to bed; and then started screaming at me at 5 am. I am so disgusted and disappointed in him. I do NOT deserve to be treated the way he treats me. He also told his parents and my family that he really wants the job in our home state and plans to accept it, while he told me he wasn't sure what to think, but was leaning towards staying where we are now.

G~
I was completely taken aback by your attitude this morning when you learned that I did not wash your clothes. Your only thoughts were purely selfish and self centered. You treated me as if I am your live in maid only existing to serve you and meet your needs with nothing in return. You mentioned washing clothes only takes 5 minutes, but try at least 15 minutes multiplied by 4 years. Your attitude was as if you were saying how dare I not do something for you. The problem arises because I have been taken advantage of and not appreciated for doing this task along with numerous others for you for over 4 years. My only repayment is having your clothes lay around the house until you decide you can find 5 minutes to put them away. Washing your clothes was something I did out of love for you, but I can not do it anymore when in return I have to deal with the frustration looking at and moving your clothes around the living room for weeks at a time. I can not help you if you are not even willing to help yourself. I also don't understand how you can expect me to go out of my way to do something for you when you can't even do the task yourself. I'm not sure why you believe you are ENTITLED to receive so much from me without ever expressing appreciation, while taking advantage of my kind acts. You never even had to ask me to wash your clothes...I just did it without anything in return, as I do so many other things. I feel like it is pulling teeth when I ASK you to do one little 5 minute thing for me. I have to ask, and yet rarely my requests are met, if they are, not in a timely manner.

When you were gone for the last week I came to a realization. I felt like I had so much free time on my hands and filled with so much energy. It was as if a huge burden was lifted from my life. The time when by so fast I couldn't believe you were gone for almost a week. I didn't realize how much energy is constantly drained from me on a daily basis by living with you. My drive to live a fulfilled life is drained when I come home to resentment, frustration, an messes everyday. I also try to arrange my schedule so I can spend time with you, only to be let down time and time again because everything else seems to take precedence over me and our relationship. You completely reiterated how important having me in your life is this morning. I feel like my importance is derived from what I can do for you, not from what we can do together as a team. I was actually surprised when I realized I enjoyed my time apart from you more than with you last week. I did not even miss having you with me, which is a scary turning point in our relationship for me at least. I don't know what the implications hold, but hope we can begin to work together as a team instead of me being treated as if I solely exist to serve G. I will admit I am extremely resentful now when you ask me to do anything...if you haven't noticed. It is to the point I dread doing anything for you because I feel like it is used against me to bring me down. When I do something nice it gets thrown back in my face. For example, the last several times I've cooked you came home and didn't even want to eat because you already ate; or the fact you could scream at me for not washing your clothes, yet you never seemed to noticed when I did wash them for you.

I don't think you realize the damage you inflicted to our relationship by the rude statements and attitude you portrayed this morning. I am very hurt and don't know if or how I can let it go.