Angel Food

I feel I am often too harsh on myself because I have unrealistic expectations about who I want to be versus the person I am. I envision myself as this light, fluffy angel food cake that is sweet and looks appetizing, however, I know I come across as something much different. (lol). In an attempt to think of the correct simile I think I'm more like a Big Mac with lots of layers, not sure what is really in it... but very complex, it is heavy, uncertainty at first glance, I want people to like and accept me, it isn't as bad as initially assumed, after a while it starts to grow on me.

My trip home went well with the time passing too quickly. One day it was 80 degrees, the next day we were plagued with a blizzard. Just when I think I am ready to move back, the cold and relentless wind quickly change my mind. My heart longs to be near family, but my body screams for me to stay away from the cold.
My family seemed to have numerous opinions to share with me about choosing to adopt. It seems that most, even my aunt who adopted 2 children think I should undergo further infertility treatments. It doesn't matter what they think, but I can't help but wonder, why everyone is warning me so strongly against adoption...at least 5 people who've adopted?
Part of me feels scared and uncertain that I may not be ready, but I know I will never feel 100% prepared.
J emailed me and said he will be driving through on 5/22. He wanted me to send my phone # so we could talk and meet up. G wonders why he would want to see his ex after 9 years? I really wish we could still be just friends, but I guess the fact I am married and we shared a relationship complicates things. I tend to have very few close friends and can only think of about 5. He was one of them, so loosing him means the loss of a major friendship, plus another just died last month. G thinks I should tell him it is inappropriate and "NO". I feel so torn, because I want J to be able to move on and find a long term relationship. I think him seeing G and I and our lives might make him decide to move on. However, I don't want to do anything to make G feel insecure, because he has every right to. What to do???

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