Ill Conceived
On Saturday I will be going on vacation for 12 days. We are flying North to meet my parents for a 9 day road trip. We will then go back to our home town for a few days. We planned the trip almost 4 months ago. However, it now seems to be the worst possible timing. My back has been killing me lately. The pain has been getting worse for two years now. Before, if I worked all day outside I wouldn't be able to walk in the evening if I sat down, even for 10 minutes. Now if I vacuum or even do yoga it sets off an episode. I've tried doing strengthening exercises for my back, but then I end up in bed for a week. Last Thursday it started hurting after meditating in yoga. For the first time it didn't go away after I went to bed. My acupuncturist thinks I have a ruptured or herniated disk. She wants me to get an MRI of my back and brain. Thus, I have to see a Western medical doctor to get a referral. I will have to plan strategically, because I don't want to take any chances if I could be pregant; so I have a 2 week window each month. I would rather not know what else is wrong with me. It all seems so devistating and the bad news never seems to end. In college they found a tumor on my brain. I haven't had it checked for 5 years (I would assume it is ok by now since I'm not dead.) If I become a mother then I actually have a reason to care about it, otherwise I just don't. Overall, I don't feel like sitting in a car for 9 days with my back killing me. Not to mention I will be sleeping on the ground...no hotels for us! Plus I will get to have the joys of my period (given I'm not pregnant). Sounds like perfect planning!
In addition, I was supposed to take one of my comprehensive education tests two days after returning, which left me no time to prepare. Thus, I paid a penalty to change my test date to September. In the next month I also have to take another test for my current job that encompasses all the information I learned in college. I have to get an 80% to pass. Last month I was supposed to start my apprenticeship that lasts 6 months. I've had 3 years to complete it, but keep procrastinating for the sake of avoiding what seems like inevitable stress. It seems to be the current theme of my life...procrasinate the inevitable. I don't know if I am really saving myself any stress, because I still have to deal with everything eventually. I also have a midterm to take this week. Today I took my driver's test to defer one of my speeding tickets. I hope I passed, because I don't have time to take it again before I go on vacation. I have to submit the results to the court the day after I get back.
After this vacation I will still have 80+ hours of vacation. To take a 12 day vacation I only took 24 hours of vacation time...just another reminder of why I love my job! I need to keep taking vacation or I will loose it. I need to find out what the cut off is. I was thinking of flying to my hometown in August or September for a few weeks. However, I'm not sure I want to. Our families rarely come to visit us and when we fly home they don't even bother taking vacation time or make any changes to their busy schedules. Therefore, we end up sitting around waiting for people to get off work. It is so anoying and not my idea of a vacation. I took the time, vacation, and purchased the ticket to visit you, so you'd better at least spend some time with me!!! If I don't go later this summer G and I will only end up spending 3 days there the entire year, compared to 6 weeks for me last year. Maybe we will finally get the message across? We are flying to the Dominican Republic for 10 days over Thanksgiving. I'm really excited because this is only the 3rd all-inclusive vacation we've been on in 7 years. White sand beaches and snorkeling are my favorite things!!! I am hoping it will be our last vacation together before we have kids.
I wish someone could understand the rollercoaster I experience every single month, hoping and praying I will conceive. I calculate everything to make sure everthing in my power is perfect. Then I have to wait....and wonder....could this be an early symptom of prenancy?...what does this mean?...any spotting day 3-6 after ovulation?...hold my breath...wait some more...pray...no,well maybe I didn't have that indicator?...pray some more...wait...Maybe a symptom will show up in a few more days?...I'm a day late, could it be true?...Do I have any plans for the next 9 months I may need to alter?...Is it implantation bleeding, the start of my mensus, or a miscarriage?...shoot, I'm having cramps it means waiting another month. It is so emotionallly exahusing. I try not to get excited or depressed, but I can't help it. I was even thinking about it when planning our vacation in November. For several years I stopped keeping track becasue I couldn't bear knowing about another miscarriage...I didn't want to know anymore. Now I am hoping for a miracle.
In addition, I was supposed to take one of my comprehensive education tests two days after returning, which left me no time to prepare. Thus, I paid a penalty to change my test date to September. In the next month I also have to take another test for my current job that encompasses all the information I learned in college. I have to get an 80% to pass. Last month I was supposed to start my apprenticeship that lasts 6 months. I've had 3 years to complete it, but keep procrastinating for the sake of avoiding what seems like inevitable stress. It seems to be the current theme of my life...procrasinate the inevitable. I don't know if I am really saving myself any stress, because I still have to deal with everything eventually. I also have a midterm to take this week. Today I took my driver's test to defer one of my speeding tickets. I hope I passed, because I don't have time to take it again before I go on vacation. I have to submit the results to the court the day after I get back.
After this vacation I will still have 80+ hours of vacation. To take a 12 day vacation I only took 24 hours of vacation time...just another reminder of why I love my job! I need to keep taking vacation or I will loose it. I need to find out what the cut off is. I was thinking of flying to my hometown in August or September for a few weeks. However, I'm not sure I want to. Our families rarely come to visit us and when we fly home they don't even bother taking vacation time or make any changes to their busy schedules. Therefore, we end up sitting around waiting for people to get off work. It is so anoying and not my idea of a vacation. I took the time, vacation, and purchased the ticket to visit you, so you'd better at least spend some time with me!!! If I don't go later this summer G and I will only end up spending 3 days there the entire year, compared to 6 weeks for me last year. Maybe we will finally get the message across? We are flying to the Dominican Republic for 10 days over Thanksgiving. I'm really excited because this is only the 3rd all-inclusive vacation we've been on in 7 years. White sand beaches and snorkeling are my favorite things!!! I am hoping it will be our last vacation together before we have kids.
I wish someone could understand the rollercoaster I experience every single month, hoping and praying I will conceive. I calculate everything to make sure everthing in my power is perfect. Then I have to wait....and wonder....could this be an early symptom of prenancy?...what does this mean?...any spotting day 3-6 after ovulation?...hold my breath...wait some more...pray...no,well maybe I didn't have that indicator?...pray some more...wait...Maybe a symptom will show up in a few more days?...I'm a day late, could it be true?...Do I have any plans for the next 9 months I may need to alter?...Is it implantation bleeding, the start of my mensus, or a miscarriage?...shoot, I'm having cramps it means waiting another month. It is so emotionallly exahusing. I try not to get excited or depressed, but I can't help it. I was even thinking about it when planning our vacation in November. For several years I stopped keeping track becasue I couldn't bear knowing about another miscarriage...I didn't want to know anymore. Now I am hoping for a miracle.
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