Joy!!?!
Saturday I hit an all time low. A few weeks ago my physician prescribed Zoloft to help with my stress levels, but I'm sure he had other reasons for prescribing it considering I broke down in tears in his office. I finally decided to try it on Saturday. I hoped it would make me feel better, but I only felt worse. I felt light headed, nauseous, lost my appetite, so tired, extremely depressed and suicidal, and as if I were a walking zombie. I hated the feeling and vowed I needed to find some other way to get through life. The same day we were planning to purchase a house, but the deal fell through at the last minute. It was an awesome opportunity in which we stood to make at least 60k or more in 3 months on the house. I felt so defeated and upset all our efforts to purchase the house failed over a petty scheduling issue. The second we walked out of the door though I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize the tremendous amount of stress entering into another hectic housing deal placed on my life. Looking back I realize we may have better options, and can actually focus more on each other instead of the added stress for 6 months. No amount of money is worth being miserable and stressed.
I haven't felt joyful in a long time. I can only recall 2 days in the last 6 or more years, but this week I have been in the greatest mood even though everything around me isn't going so great. For once in my life I finally feel like I am on the right path, I know by the way I feel and my attitude. On Sunday my husband and I finally went to our church orientation meeting, which we haven't been able to attend for the last 8 months. We've been wanting to get baptized (we were as infants, but it wasn't a choice we made for ourselves) but just haven't known how to go about doing it. We finally signed up at the meeting and hope to become baptized in the near future. After the long meeting I felt so good, as if I were finally headed in the right direction in my life. I've had such a positive and caring attitude during the last few days. I love the feeling!
Right now my work life is falling apart, but it just isn't affecting me the way it has in the past. Any other day I would have broke down in the bathroom, but not today. Yesterday I finally wrote my supervisor an email stating why I need to have the work hours I initially requested. She freaked out and now I have to meet with her and her supervisor to discuss the "issues". I was surprised to find out this morning that she scheduled the meeting for noon, when I already scheduled lunch with a dear friend. I was so excited to go to lunch with my friend today, and it is as if my supervisor tried to sabotage it. Anyway, as I imagined, we didn't end up meeting today and may tomorrow or the next day. I really don't care what happens, at least know I will have the opportunity to explain my situation not only to my supervisor (who has refused to discuss any schedule issues with me) and her her supervisor as well. I have faith that the worst that can happen is that I will get fired, and frankly I don't care. I have already started to build rapport with my colleagues who have commented to my supervisor what a great worker I am, so I at least have some leverage even though I am new.
I also have extremely rude coworkers. I only have 5 people in my unit plus my supervisor...one person is actually nice. One is super nosy, the other very bitchy and cold (my friend calls her the ice queen), the other plain rude! For example, we have to check out cars to transport clients and to travel. It is often difficult to get a car, so I usually just take my own. I've only signed up for a car twice since I started working and both times the same rude coworker told me she noticed I checked out a car and her case is priority, so I will have to check out a different car from across the building. I don't know why she can't check out another car, there are at least 30, but no it has to be the one I check out. The bitchy coworker glared at me on Monday when I was taking a break (the only break I've taken in over a month!) and smiled at her. Did I mention she takes 1-2 30 min smoking breaks a day. I have to put up with the same stuff every day. This week it hasn't bothered me at all. I just look forward to being nice to the people who can't seem to treat me the same. Maybe eventually I will rub off.
I feel so in love with my husband, and I am so happy to be married to him. I can't explain my feelings at all, but he is so sweet. Yesterday I told him I should be home at 7 and I would appreciate it if he could cook dinner. He cooked and I didn't make it home until after 8:30. I felt so bad. I had to have him help me wash my face yesterday because I just got my nails done. He was so gentle, and so cute doing it. I guess the little things add up.
I am so excited, I am finally traveling home for 9 days!!! It has been over a year since I last saw my grandparents and stepped foot in my beloved state. Each day goes by so slowly because I keep counting the hours until I will step foot in my precious home town. I can barely contain the joy I feel about going home! I know the 9 days will go by so quickly, but at least I can see everything and everyone I've been missing for so long.
I haven't felt joyful in a long time. I can only recall 2 days in the last 6 or more years, but this week I have been in the greatest mood even though everything around me isn't going so great. For once in my life I finally feel like I am on the right path, I know by the way I feel and my attitude. On Sunday my husband and I finally went to our church orientation meeting, which we haven't been able to attend for the last 8 months. We've been wanting to get baptized (we were as infants, but it wasn't a choice we made for ourselves) but just haven't known how to go about doing it. We finally signed up at the meeting and hope to become baptized in the near future. After the long meeting I felt so good, as if I were finally headed in the right direction in my life. I've had such a positive and caring attitude during the last few days. I love the feeling!
Right now my work life is falling apart, but it just isn't affecting me the way it has in the past. Any other day I would have broke down in the bathroom, but not today. Yesterday I finally wrote my supervisor an email stating why I need to have the work hours I initially requested. She freaked out and now I have to meet with her and her supervisor to discuss the "issues". I was surprised to find out this morning that she scheduled the meeting for noon, when I already scheduled lunch with a dear friend. I was so excited to go to lunch with my friend today, and it is as if my supervisor tried to sabotage it. Anyway, as I imagined, we didn't end up meeting today and may tomorrow or the next day. I really don't care what happens, at least know I will have the opportunity to explain my situation not only to my supervisor (who has refused to discuss any schedule issues with me) and her her supervisor as well. I have faith that the worst that can happen is that I will get fired, and frankly I don't care. I have already started to build rapport with my colleagues who have commented to my supervisor what a great worker I am, so I at least have some leverage even though I am new.
I also have extremely rude coworkers. I only have 5 people in my unit plus my supervisor...one person is actually nice. One is super nosy, the other very bitchy and cold (my friend calls her the ice queen), the other plain rude! For example, we have to check out cars to transport clients and to travel. It is often difficult to get a car, so I usually just take my own. I've only signed up for a car twice since I started working and both times the same rude coworker told me she noticed I checked out a car and her case is priority, so I will have to check out a different car from across the building. I don't know why she can't check out another car, there are at least 30, but no it has to be the one I check out. The bitchy coworker glared at me on Monday when I was taking a break (the only break I've taken in over a month!) and smiled at her. Did I mention she takes 1-2 30 min smoking breaks a day. I have to put up with the same stuff every day. This week it hasn't bothered me at all. I just look forward to being nice to the people who can't seem to treat me the same. Maybe eventually I will rub off.
I feel so in love with my husband, and I am so happy to be married to him. I can't explain my feelings at all, but he is so sweet. Yesterday I told him I should be home at 7 and I would appreciate it if he could cook dinner. He cooked and I didn't make it home until after 8:30. I felt so bad. I had to have him help me wash my face yesterday because I just got my nails done. He was so gentle, and so cute doing it. I guess the little things add up.
I am so excited, I am finally traveling home for 9 days!!! It has been over a year since I last saw my grandparents and stepped foot in my beloved state. Each day goes by so slowly because I keep counting the hours until I will step foot in my precious home town. I can barely contain the joy I feel about going home! I know the 9 days will go by so quickly, but at least I can see everything and everyone I've been missing for so long.
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