Hint of the Past...

A few nights ago I had a very disturbing dream which involved J and I having sex. I've never had a dream where I actually participated in sex with someone, and it felt so weird to have such an intimate dream about someone other than my spouse. In the dream my emotions weren't really involved, but subconsciously I wanted to have sex with J, although afterwards I felt disappointed and upset. Although my feelings weren't involved in my dream I did feel strange and almost guilty when I awoke. I struggled about whether or not to tell G about my dream and decided I needed to tell him. I need him to understand the struggle I face, and I think he understands. I wonder if my dream simulates what would happen in reality if something similar to my dream actually occurred? Lately I thought I was doing so well in coping with the loss of a dear friend and love of my life. I haven't dreamed of him for such a long time, then I became flooded by such an intense and intimate dream. Dreams only intensify the difficulty of my struggle. I still wish I could see J and see what life would be like with him, but I know I can't. I am where I am supposed to be and must remain to make the best of what I've been given. I am where I am supposed to be and must remain to make the best of what I've been given. I am where I am supposed to be and must remain to make the best of what I've been given. I am where I am supposed to be and must remain to make the best of what I've been given. I am where I am supposed to be and must remain to make the best of what I've been given. I have to keep telling myself over and over again.

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