Illusions
For some reason I have been feeling very emotionally unstable the last week. If asked 18 months ago, the feeling would be considered normal, but why now? On Saturday I felt so unsettled and anxious, my body was trembling. I didn't take new medication or change anything other than taking some new herbs. When I feel like this, it usually means trouble, because I think too much and often end up doing something stupid like contacting J. By the way, he IM'ed me last week, just to say he hoped I was doing ok and that he loved Italy. I messaged back saying I was fine.
On Thursday, my precious female Maltese was stung by a scorpion (according to the vet). Poor doll, had a lump the size of a golf ball on her rear end that was black and blue. It was so swollen on Saturday that it burst open. Now she has to wear a collar (I found a pink one) and we have to hand feed her so she can eat. It seems to be healing ok, as the wound has healed shut, with a huge scab. On top of that, she is in heat. We take our dogs to different vets from time to time just to make sure we are getting a clear picture of their health. Well this vet said he heard a heart murmur and she has a luxating patella on her left rear leg. Why is this the first we are hearing of this? She has been to 5 vets and only one notes these serious conditions! I am freaking out, as I want her to be healthy. I am looking into raw diets, but we don't have any stores that sell raw dog food close by. We give them expensive dog food that supposedly is human grade, but why is she still unhealthy? I was so worried one of the dogs would be stung by a scorpion, and it happened! I feel so helpless to protect them as it is virtually impossible to completely eradicate scorpions. I am so thankful she seems to be doing ok.
My neighbors practically dragged me out of the house on Saturday so I would go out with them. I would honestly be fine sitting inside all day. I was reminded how glad I am that I don't have to worry about the dating scene. Two of my neighbors mentioned that they have sex 1-2x's per day on a regular basis. The one was worried because it had been two days! This leaves me thinking what the hell is wrong with G and I's sex life, as we average 1x per month. I've suspected for some time that G has libido issues, but he is too proud to get help. Whatever, I guess it works for us.
I don't think I mentioned this previously, but I heard some devastating news while on vacation that kept me up for nights. I think my mom slipped when she told me that my sister probably has an STD from having an affair with a married man. It took all my strength to not freak out at that moment! What the hell? In high school, my sister was the most outspoken person I ever knew against premarital sex and drinking. She constantly talked about how stupid all her peers were, then she does something even worse! At 19, she has an affair with a married man and contracts an STD, that could possibly lead to the same cancer my mom had at only 29! Not to mentioned my dad had a devastating affair that I had to notify my mom about when I was 12. What is going through her mind when she is practically replicating all my parent's mistakes? I guess she is also drinking heavily, something she also has tried to hide from me. What is she thinking? Now she is dating this 25 year old, who my brother (easy going and careless who loves everyone) does not think should be dating her, because he used to party with the guy in high school. I really don't know how to feel about this news, other than completely shocked! For all I know it could be with G. I thought I knew her better than that. In hind sight she did allude to something going on during a conversation with G last fall. She has the audacity to talk to G about this an not tell me! Whenever I asked G, he would say it was between me and my sister and it was her decision to talk to me about it. He didn't know the full extent of what was going on, but still. I feel like the damn Jerry Springer show! So now I know this about my sister. She doesn't know I know, nor want me to know. What do I do? I wish she wouldn't feel like she has to hide this from me, as I would like to be there for her. However, I in no way support her decisions.
On Thursday, my precious female Maltese was stung by a scorpion (according to the vet). Poor doll, had a lump the size of a golf ball on her rear end that was black and blue. It was so swollen on Saturday that it burst open. Now she has to wear a collar (I found a pink one) and we have to hand feed her so she can eat. It seems to be healing ok, as the wound has healed shut, with a huge scab. On top of that, she is in heat. We take our dogs to different vets from time to time just to make sure we are getting a clear picture of their health. Well this vet said he heard a heart murmur and she has a luxating patella on her left rear leg. Why is this the first we are hearing of this? She has been to 5 vets and only one notes these serious conditions! I am freaking out, as I want her to be healthy. I am looking into raw diets, but we don't have any stores that sell raw dog food close by. We give them expensive dog food that supposedly is human grade, but why is she still unhealthy? I was so worried one of the dogs would be stung by a scorpion, and it happened! I feel so helpless to protect them as it is virtually impossible to completely eradicate scorpions. I am so thankful she seems to be doing ok.
My neighbors practically dragged me out of the house on Saturday so I would go out with them. I would honestly be fine sitting inside all day. I was reminded how glad I am that I don't have to worry about the dating scene. Two of my neighbors mentioned that they have sex 1-2x's per day on a regular basis. The one was worried because it had been two days! This leaves me thinking what the hell is wrong with G and I's sex life, as we average 1x per month. I've suspected for some time that G has libido issues, but he is too proud to get help. Whatever, I guess it works for us.
I don't think I mentioned this previously, but I heard some devastating news while on vacation that kept me up for nights. I think my mom slipped when she told me that my sister probably has an STD from having an affair with a married man. It took all my strength to not freak out at that moment! What the hell? In high school, my sister was the most outspoken person I ever knew against premarital sex and drinking. She constantly talked about how stupid all her peers were, then she does something even worse! At 19, she has an affair with a married man and contracts an STD, that could possibly lead to the same cancer my mom had at only 29! Not to mentioned my dad had a devastating affair that I had to notify my mom about when I was 12. What is going through her mind when she is practically replicating all my parent's mistakes? I guess she is also drinking heavily, something she also has tried to hide from me. What is she thinking? Now she is dating this 25 year old, who my brother (easy going and careless who loves everyone) does not think should be dating her, because he used to party with the guy in high school. I really don't know how to feel about this news, other than completely shocked! For all I know it could be with G. I thought I knew her better than that. In hind sight she did allude to something going on during a conversation with G last fall. She has the audacity to talk to G about this an not tell me! Whenever I asked G, he would say it was between me and my sister and it was her decision to talk to me about it. He didn't know the full extent of what was going on, but still. I feel like the damn Jerry Springer show! So now I know this about my sister. She doesn't know I know, nor want me to know. What do I do? I wish she wouldn't feel like she has to hide this from me, as I would like to be there for her. However, I in no way support her decisions.
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