Prescription: Take 1 Day at a Time
The last week has been a blur, complicated by incessant migraines and fatigue. I feel as if I'm literally loosing my mind. I can't remember the events of one day from the next. In the last 1.5 months I've made two mistakes paying my bills, resulting in extra charges and likely decreases in my credit score. I swear I completed the bill payments correctly, yet have nothing to prove otherwise. I've NEVER screwed up my bills before and have twice in 1.5 months? It just doesn't equate? I also have a huge list of things to take care of. I make several calls per week, yet still can't get any of them resolved. I ask G to make the calls and he forgets or doesn't have time. When he does make a call it seems he can reach resolution in a few minutes, when it takes me weeks or months. I hate that I must ask for help because I'm used to taking care of myself, the dogs, working and going to school full time, and our entire household. For some reason I can't even manage a fraction of what I once did, and I still don't have energy. The last two days my afternoon appointments cancelled, so I've been home since 12 pm. I usually work on school, clean, and take care or random errands, yet I just fall asleep. How many times can I say, "This isn't me, or I'm not myself", without sounding redundant?
From an outside perspective, it would almost seem as if I have a substance abuse problem creating havoc in my life. In reality, the assimilation may stem from western medicine. Thus, I'm presented with a life changing dilemma this week: do I take my next injection or forgo conventional treatment for unconventional eastern medicine? I just don't know what to do and I must decide this week. Maybe this is the juncture where I give the situation to God and actually have to trust someone other than myself for once in my life? This injection has been proven to cause the endometriosis to go into remission, despite the horrible side effects. It has been touted as "my only hope" to potentially try for kids, according to my doctor. Although, research does not substantiate his claim that it can actually increase fertility (not statistically significant). On the other hand, acupuncture has also been proven over 5000 years as an effective treatment for all my ailments and serves as a holistic approach. My concern arises because I've completed some research that shows acupuncture looses it's effectiveness unless received daily or every other day. I'm currently having sessions once every week to 1.5 weeks, by a student, none the less. I can't drive 60 miles to get daily treatments for an indefinite amount of time.
My other issue arises because I'm not sure if I'm ready to change my diet yet? I've slowly been making changes over the last three months, and I assumed I would still have three more to go. I am addicted to sugar and can't seem to let it go. I wish treatment facilities existed for people like me who can't seem to change their diet. How am I supposed to cut out sugar, wheat, dairy, soy, and non-cooked or cold foods? It seems so overwhelming, I don't even know where to start? If anyone has looked at food labels, 90% if foods from a grocery store contain at least one of the ingredients listed. I don't have time to make meals every day and don't even cook once per week. If I don't get the next injection, then my endometriosis will immediately begin to grow back and I will have to start living in immense pain again. Thus, we have to start trying for kids as soon as my cycle returns. When faced with the pressing issue of potential pregnancy I feel scared to death. What if I'm not ready? I can't even handle my own life right now, let alone the life of an infant. How can I manage without the support of my family, when they live 1200 miles away? How will I finish school when I only have one year left? I'm afraid to accept what the future holds.
I need reminding that life should be taken in doses of one day at a time. I will go crazy if I try to plan and predict the future; I of all people should know better.
From an outside perspective, it would almost seem as if I have a substance abuse problem creating havoc in my life. In reality, the assimilation may stem from western medicine. Thus, I'm presented with a life changing dilemma this week: do I take my next injection or forgo conventional treatment for unconventional eastern medicine? I just don't know what to do and I must decide this week. Maybe this is the juncture where I give the situation to God and actually have to trust someone other than myself for once in my life? This injection has been proven to cause the endometriosis to go into remission, despite the horrible side effects. It has been touted as "my only hope" to potentially try for kids, according to my doctor. Although, research does not substantiate his claim that it can actually increase fertility (not statistically significant). On the other hand, acupuncture has also been proven over 5000 years as an effective treatment for all my ailments and serves as a holistic approach. My concern arises because I've completed some research that shows acupuncture looses it's effectiveness unless received daily or every other day. I'm currently having sessions once every week to 1.5 weeks, by a student, none the less. I can't drive 60 miles to get daily treatments for an indefinite amount of time.
My other issue arises because I'm not sure if I'm ready to change my diet yet? I've slowly been making changes over the last three months, and I assumed I would still have three more to go. I am addicted to sugar and can't seem to let it go. I wish treatment facilities existed for people like me who can't seem to change their diet. How am I supposed to cut out sugar, wheat, dairy, soy, and non-cooked or cold foods? It seems so overwhelming, I don't even know where to start? If anyone has looked at food labels, 90% if foods from a grocery store contain at least one of the ingredients listed. I don't have time to make meals every day and don't even cook once per week. If I don't get the next injection, then my endometriosis will immediately begin to grow back and I will have to start living in immense pain again. Thus, we have to start trying for kids as soon as my cycle returns. When faced with the pressing issue of potential pregnancy I feel scared to death. What if I'm not ready? I can't even handle my own life right now, let alone the life of an infant. How can I manage without the support of my family, when they live 1200 miles away? How will I finish school when I only have one year left? I'm afraid to accept what the future holds.
I need reminding that life should be taken in doses of one day at a time. I will go crazy if I try to plan and predict the future; I of all people should know better.
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