They say, "pain makes us stronger".

As many of you know, I underwent surgery on Thursday. The doctor let me go home, but I was in unbearable pain and passed out 3 times- every time I tried to get up. G called the on-call nurse and she told him to bring me into the doctor. I went to the doctor's office on Friday morning and he reviewed the results with us, then sent me to the ER. They did CT scans and an EKG to rule out blood clots or major complications. They couldn't find anything but gave me stronger pain medication and fluids. I returned home from the hospital yesterday at 7 pm. My doctor said I have severe endometriosis that invaded all of my reproductive organs. He mentioned the severity has been causing my infertility. He removed as much as he could, but could not access the portions growing inside of my organs. He said the surgery will not be effective for more than 1-2 months because it will grow back to the same level in only 1-2 months. My only other option was to take the drug that puts me into a state of menopause for 6 months to help the disease go into remission for possibly 1-2 years, before it starts growing again. During that time period I should have less pain and could possibly try for kids. After the endometriosis grows back I can repeat the same cycle of surgery and drugs or essentially live with the pain until I reach natural menopause. There is no cure for such an advanced stage. The drug has such severe side effects that it is only recommended to go on it for no more than 3-6 months in a life time. I decided I am only going to try the drug for 6 months, then live with the pain and infertility. For the next 6 months I will go through bone loss and many other side effects I don't even want to mention. I will now be at risk for early osteoporosis. I still don't know if I made the right decision, but couldn't go through this surgery and all the pain for nothing. I'm still in a lot of pain and feel like my 3 incisions reopen every time I breathe or move.

Although I'm very sad and in emotional and physical pain I have to remember what my mom told me this morning: "Your current suffering and our unceasing prayers for you reminded me of this poem. And that we are not promised a life without pain or suffering but we are promised that God will never leave or forsake us. He will help us through our trials. Even though God may not cause our suffering, He may allow it to mold us and shape us into who He created us to be. Suffering does draw us away from the world and closer to God. Growing in our relationship is God is the meaning of life and why were were put on the earth".
GOD said "No"...
I asked God to take away my habit
God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole
God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience
God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned
I asked God to give me happiness
God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you. I asked God to spare me pain
God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own! but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things. I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me. God said..Ahhhh, finally you have the idea
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY

Comments

Anonymous said…
I'm so sorry for your continued pain. I pray that someone, somewhere will find a way to alieviate it without doing more harm.
7/22/2007 9:19 PM
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