On the Verge...

I'm on the verge of what...I don't know? I feel myself drifting into the verge of a breakdown, but hey, I could be on the verge of the ever illusive happiness and joy.

The last several weeks have brought nothing but disappointment and devastation. I found out I have "sinus disease"...what ever that means other than chronic sinus infections, possible surgery, drugs, and pain. I have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks. I've been trying to sort through my ever increasing fertility issues and found out my insurance doesn't cover infertility, but will cover treatment for my extreme pain. All of the procedures I need, although related to my "pain", will be out of pocket since they can potentially "increase my fertility" (which is BS!). I also found out G has low sperm motility and count, so no wonder we can't produce anything.

A few days ago I decided to register for classes. I didn't really think it through, but signed up as a full-time student. Part of me is freaking out because I'm not sure I can handle yet another stressor or in my life. In addition, the most depressing years of my life occurred in college and my old feelings of depression have been flooding back. I feel like I am getting too old to make a career change so need to do it sooner than later. Maybe, if my plans go accordingly I will triple my salary in 4 years in the non-existent job market of my home state. By the time I'm finished I should have 2 undergrad and 2 graduate degrees.

I can't stand being in the presence of G. He drives me crazy and makes me feel like pulling out my hair. I still can't believe I married him in the first place and am still married to him 5 years later. I feel like such an idiot and a divorce would announce my idiocracy to the world (it would also make me face my failures).

So, now the only good news: my little girl had 2 puppies almost exactly one week ago. They are so precious and I can't wait until they are running around. Unfortunately, I can't have 4 dogs, so I will have to sell them. I hope they give other people as much joy as I receive from my 2 dogs.

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