Plan B

Lately I have been feeling content with my life. I resolved the issue with my faith and see improvement in most areas of my life. In church a few weeks ago I realized my super responsible personality negatively impacted my marriage. With every aspect of my life I always felt compelled to have a plan B, C, and D, but realized the lack of commitment to my marriage didn't create the best foundation. My "alternate" plans in my marriage included J and divorce, which I pondered from the time I said "I do". I now know in order to have a completely fulfilling marriage I must throw away the keys to my alternate plans and focus on building a committed/dedicated life with G. Since this realization, my feelings towards G have been intensifying despite our busy schedules. J was my past and G is my future. I still feel compelled to look at J's webpage very frequently, but feel my thoughts of "what could have been?" slowly dissipating.

In a way I pity J because he has been unable to truly move forward with his life since we parted. He became engaged to an old standby at least 3 years ago, yet never set a date, and never lived in the same town as her. They recently separated and I can't help but feel somewhat responsible given she felt extreme jealousy towards me because J always compared her to me. If I can't have a future with J I want him to have a future with someone else and find happiness. I guess I can only pray he will be able to let the past go so he can create a new future for himself.

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