As Time Passes By...

Lately, I haven't really been feeling at all, I guess not to any extreme. Maybe I am stable for once? I guess I have been feeling a bit pensive, yet missing my drive for life. G and I were supposed to go on a mini vacation last weekend, but I cancelled because the weather was supposed to be bad. We may reschedule again sometime? G and I haven't been intimate for over 2 weeks now... I am guessing it may have something to do with comments in my last post. I guess it is his problem if he isn't man enough to talk to me about his issues. At least I am trying to be honest with myself. It seems like my relationship with G is so superficial. I ask him how he is doing and I get a one word answer. He doesn't talk to me about how HE is feeling about anything. I am starting to wonder what the point is of even attempting to converse with him. I get a better response from talking to my dogs. Our backyard is finally coming together, yet we still have about 4 or more weekends left to complete our projects (I hope).

A few weeks ago, J and his "fiance" broke up. I haven't talked to him, but it is obvious from her myspace account. At first I felt happy, but now, I don't know. I am slowly letting my thoughts of ever being with him go, which is huge for me, considering I feel like my marriage is stagnant. As mentioned previously, I don't feel like I have a purpose for living...a zest for life...joy...passion...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Written in the Stars

Image
 I realize I can still feel you and after not remembering dreams for almost a decade and having none of you, yet I surprisingly remembered 3 in the past 3 months. I hated that you haunted me in my dreams a decade ago and feel I found a way to block the dreams. Now I welcome the visits since we are separated by space and time that feel lifetimes apart. I In one of my dreams you came to me with Amy Lee and I thought you were together. She sang me the song, "Broken". While on a solo journey of deep inner healing I met a man who deeply triggered me, yet I couldn't stay away. I followed my intuition and met him for a trip. Then during our synchronistic meeting he randomly started singing me the same song and playing it on his guitar while we were tripping together. On the huge screen he was playing a scene with shooting stars like we used to see together and the aurora borealis. My heart skipped a beat when I felt your energy through his song when we were all alone. I asked my
Read more

Twin Flames

Image
 Here I am 22 years after our last meeting feeling the distance between us. I finally realized why I can't seem to forget you no matter how many walls and blocks I built around my heart and mind. We are living two separate lives yet there is this indescribable energy that still remains even through the sound of silence.  After years of silence, I felt an overwhelming energy in which I felt I could explode. I resisted until I became so haunted I had to reach out. I simply sent you this song:  Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains within the sound of silence [Verse 2] In restless dreams, I walked alone Narrow streets of cobblestone 'Neath the halo of a street lamp I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light That split the night and touched the sound of silence [Verse 3] And in
Read more

Craziest Year of My Life!!!!

Well, February 2010-February 2011 marks the most eventful period of my entire life. We started w/ a possible ovarian cancer diagnosis, G loosing his job the same week, me undergoing major surgery in March-no cancer, but no help for my chronic pain, G finding a new job in April, giving up on infertility treatments in July, adopting our precious son at the end of July, finding out I was 5 weeks pregnant when our son was 1 week old, finding out I was allergic to dairy, soy, wheat, and eggs the same week, a trip to Hawaii with our 3 week old in August, surgery for our 6 week old for Pyloric Stenosis in September, a bout with Pneumonia over Christmas, to G moving out of state in January for 11 months for his job. With all these changes, everything has worked out more perfectly than we ever could have imagined. We attribute our blessings to God and still trust he has a plan with the new changes to come. These few life changes take me to today. To say the least, I'm feeling a bit overwhe
Read more