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Showing posts from December, 2005

What Kind of Princess????

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I found this neat quiz on a fellow bloggers site. It seems quite accurate. What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork The Noble PrincessYou are just and fair, a perfectionist with a strong sense of proper decorum. You are very attracted to chivalry, ceremony and dignity. For the most part you are rather sensible, but you are also very idealistic.Role Models: Guinevere, Princess Fiona (of Shrek)You are most likely to: Get kidnapped by a stray dragon. Take this quiz !

Disconnected...

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I don't even know where to start with G. We have done nothing but fight and argue for two days now. I feel so disconnected from him and our relationship. At this point I can't accurately assess my true thoughts and feelings. I don't know if I am angry and attempting to ignore the larger issues in our marriage...trying to spare myself the pain in realizing our relationship is over...subconsiously trying to sabotage our relationship...or truly hoping and trying to salvage what is left? I hope I can soon begin to sort out the true issues so I can fully understand the situation so I can approach the problem from the right direction. I know I am blocking my true feelings because I can't bear to feel them right now. I tend to disconnect myself from negative situations. I remember completely disconnecting myself from J before we broke up. He would kiss me and I felt like an actress pretending to be involved, while feeling absolu tely nothing. Of course inside my heart was brea

Home for the Holidays

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In a few days G and I are flying home for the holidays and will be gone for almost 2 weeks. I was so excited about spending Christmas with my family this year, since it has been two years since I've been home for Christmas. I feel so depressed though. No one is coming home for Christmas aside from G and I. Everyone went home for Thanksgiving instead. My parents and siblings are going to my bitchy aunts house for Christmas and G and I refuse to go. She constantly spreads terrible rumors about me because she is jealous. I can't buy into her immaturity and cattiness for Christmas so I am going to just remove myself from the situation entirely. Unfortunately, I won't be spending Christmas with my family either. I am starting to wonder why I am even going back. I was looking forward to spending time with my sister, but she will be working every day. I think a recent death is prompting my recent bout of depression and pessimism. A few days ago my friends', friend committed s

"Happy Days"

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I honestly don't know what to say? I don't know how I am feeling right now, other than terrible! Today is G and I's anniversary. We were supposed to get off early from work so we could spend the day together and go to dinner. I left the office at 12 and G didn't arrive home until almost 6 pm...so much for "early". On the way to dinner we argued after assessing the numerous shortfalls in our marriage. G started bashing me during dinner and I wanted nothing more than to leave. I could barely hold back the tears as my excitement quickly turned to disgust. We went to a nice sit down restaurant and were in and out in less than 30 minutes...what a nice dinner! I am so disappointed and disgusted with G and our marriage right now. Any time we attempt to communicate, it ends in an argument. I feel like a distant acquaintance of my spouse, which I find so sad. It seems like we are roommates instead of husband and wife. I want to be committed to my marriage, but find it

Missing G

I've been "needing" to write a few journal entries, but I just don't have the time! I can't wait until I start my new job. I worked all weekend even though I was very ill. G has been gone since last Thursday, first on a business trip and now gone until this Thursday since his grandfather passed away. I don't seem to realize how dependent I am on G in my life until he is gone. I hate living alone. I feel lost without him here and have been a wreck the past few days. I honestly don't know if or how I could survive without him. Having him physically available makes such a huge difference. Even at work I felt lost today, and I never see him at work; but I know I will see him when I arrive home. We have serious issues to work out, but I still miss him. I find it so difficult to be mad at him when he isn't here. A few nights ago I had my first dream of J in a long while. It was an intimate dream, but I can't recall the specific details. My feelings are s

Sly Little Fox...

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Today at 2pm G told me he wanted to do "something" tonight and said I should meet him at work as soon as I finish my job for the day. He neglected to tell me his company Christmas Party was tonight. I show up to the party in my professional "court" attire, drained from a busy day at work. He kept asking me if something was wrong, which only continued to drive me crazy. Of course I am going to be a little upset if he can't provide me with prior warning regarding his company party. Throughout the evening he introduced me to all his work acquaintances. I felt an odd tension when he introduced me to a group of female workers. All shook my hand except for one woman, which G neglected to introduce me to. There were awkward glances and he finally blurted...oh an odd thing about (the one woman) is that her boyfriend lives in another city. Ok???? Awkward silence... I didn't really think about it until we arrived home and I felt irate, but I have to wonder if he has