Interuptions from the Past
On Saturday, J instant messaged me stating he was so glad I am happy, but he hates his life and his job (I think he just got his Facebook (FB) account back). I asked him what prompted his message and he said his job isn't what he expected (I think it isn't dangerous enough), and he isn't sure if he is going to stay with his girlfriend, whom he was supposedly going to propose to. He said she is constantly jealous and they always fight. It is a long distance relationship. From his FB page I can guess a few things that are going on. First, he used the button that said "no longer in a relationship", yet his gf just posted 100 pictures of them together in Europe. Thus, I imagine he is stuck in this cycle of picking long distance relationships...why? Then, whenever he gets close to a commitment he breaks up with the girl...why? I deduced the following from his page, our discussion, mixed with her comments. He told her he planned to buy her a plane ticket to Italy, when I am guessing he was planning to propose. He wasn't sure, so kept putting "the ticket" off, with her nagging about when she was going to get it. He finally felt pressured to buy it and she (recently) visited him for however long. I assume it wasn't what he was expecting, so he didn't propose. Since he didn't and she may have been expecting it, she is pissed and insecure. Thus, they decided to separate temporarily to "figure some things out". This is my best guess because it happened to me with J, and I watched him to it with his last gf he was engaged to.
Despite the fact that he said I was his first love and he "basically" still has the same feelings, etc... (which is inappropriate), I still want him to find happiness. I tried to remain very positive in telling him it is possible to get over a past love and move on to find happiness. I think I have (to some extent). He told me he still cries wondering how things would be "if" things worked out differently between us and we had a family. I thought that was touching, yet I am married! So being the "friend" that I feel compelled to be, since I obviously can't have him, I had to open my big mouth (email) and give some unsolicited advice. Yeah, I feel torn about telling him, but I couldn't not do it if I still care about him. I feel like he may be making the same mistake all over again, so I gave him two examples of my friends who went through similar situations, hoping he would get the point, that if he loves this girl he needs to fight for her and make her feel like she is his #1. I haven't received any additional feedback, but I wonder what he is thinking. I really want to ask him if he still has feelings for his other ex's to know if I am some anomaly, since I've only had 2 loves and am married to one of them.
I think we did have a very real and honest (appropriate on my end) conversation, so I will see if he decides to get back with her. As much as I want to be happy for him, I still feel a twinge of ? when I look at pictures of them together.What does that tell me? I'm thinking it must be that I still have some feelings for him. However, I know G is a better match for me. I realized this weekend that I need to be with someone more optimistic than I am, otherwise I tend to feel more depressive. J is not as optimistic as G, but definitely more fun to be around.
I don't know if I need to tell G about our conversation or not? I have no plans to do anything or make anything of it, so does it matter? Why is this bothering me so much?
Despite the fact that he said I was his first love and he "basically" still has the same feelings, etc... (which is inappropriate), I still want him to find happiness. I tried to remain very positive in telling him it is possible to get over a past love and move on to find happiness. I think I have (to some extent). He told me he still cries wondering how things would be "if" things worked out differently between us and we had a family. I thought that was touching, yet I am married! So being the "friend" that I feel compelled to be, since I obviously can't have him, I had to open my big mouth (email) and give some unsolicited advice. Yeah, I feel torn about telling him, but I couldn't not do it if I still care about him. I feel like he may be making the same mistake all over again, so I gave him two examples of my friends who went through similar situations, hoping he would get the point, that if he loves this girl he needs to fight for her and make her feel like she is his #1. I haven't received any additional feedback, but I wonder what he is thinking. I really want to ask him if he still has feelings for his other ex's to know if I am some anomaly, since I've only had 2 loves and am married to one of them.
I think we did have a very real and honest (appropriate on my end) conversation, so I will see if he decides to get back with her. As much as I want to be happy for him, I still feel a twinge of ? when I look at pictures of them together.What does that tell me? I'm thinking it must be that I still have some feelings for him. However, I know G is a better match for me. I realized this weekend that I need to be with someone more optimistic than I am, otherwise I tend to feel more depressive. J is not as optimistic as G, but definitely more fun to be around.
I don't know if I need to tell G about our conversation or not? I have no plans to do anything or make anything of it, so does it matter? Why is this bothering me so much?
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