I Never Imagined
Yesterday I called to talk to my brother. He and his wife just had a baby girl about a month ago, their 2nd child. During our conversation my sister came up and he told me he stopped my mom from saying some crazy things to my sister. I am still in disbelief and am realizing my mom is certainly not the person I idealized her to be. She planned to tell my 20 year old pregnant sister that she should give her baby to G and I because we would make better, more responsible parents. I am so glad she didn't, because I could imagine how devastating this would be to my sister. She has already spent her life trying to live up to the standards she thinks I've set. She knows people are disappointed in her decisions, but I am confident she will parent to the best of her ability and it is not anyone's place to tell her otherwise. If my mom were to have said those things to her, not only would she have resented my mom, but me as well. I know my mom really wants us to have kids and has shared our grief over infertility, but not at the expense of her other child.
One thing I would spare my sister if at all possible, is the feeling of always being judged as to whether one would make a competent parent. Really, almost anyone can get pregnant and parent, even if they end up killing their child through abortion, neglect, or abuse. However, no one tells them to not parent or that they can't. We have to have 8 people write letters and vouch that they "think" we would make good parents, plus all of our case workers and the judge. In my line of work I see up to 25 families per week with little kids under three and I've seen my share of parenting styles. That is why I am not worried about my sister or G and I parenting. I know we will do a lot better than most. Besides, if everyone waited until life was perfect, we wouldn't have relationships, no births, nothing! Life is never perfect, people are not perfect, and parents aren't perfect, but somehow people feel compelled to place judgments on those around them as to whether they would make a suitable parent. I never imagined I would hear those words from my mom. Even I would never say something like that to my sister. I am confident she will do her best and hopefully she has a resilient child.
One thing I would spare my sister if at all possible, is the feeling of always being judged as to whether one would make a competent parent. Really, almost anyone can get pregnant and parent, even if they end up killing their child through abortion, neglect, or abuse. However, no one tells them to not parent or that they can't. We have to have 8 people write letters and vouch that they "think" we would make good parents, plus all of our case workers and the judge. In my line of work I see up to 25 families per week with little kids under three and I've seen my share of parenting styles. That is why I am not worried about my sister or G and I parenting. I know we will do a lot better than most. Besides, if everyone waited until life was perfect, we wouldn't have relationships, no births, nothing! Life is never perfect, people are not perfect, and parents aren't perfect, but somehow people feel compelled to place judgments on those around them as to whether they would make a suitable parent. I never imagined I would hear those words from my mom. Even I would never say something like that to my sister. I am confident she will do her best and hopefully she has a resilient child.
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