"The pursuit of happiness leads to all unhappiness"
I think the human species has an inborn desire to be heard and understood, or at least acknowledged. I don't know that I am? I'm confused...I don't know what to do or how to react. Doing nothing almost seems easier than thinking about all the possibilities and alternatives. I heard a quote the other day that struck me: "The pursuit of happiness leads to all unhappiness". When we have expectations instead of going with the flow of life, we are bound to feel disappointment. I think one could derive two meanings from the quote: 1. give up trying, or 2. stop having expectations and go with the flow. In the last week or two, I think I've given up on a variety of issues in my life: trying or even wanting to have a child, my diet, worrying about scorpions and spiders in my house, and my marriage. It seemed that trying to move towards a state of increased happiness only left me with a greater sense of dissatisfaction. Thus, maybe I am taking on a new philosophy- refrain from developing expectations and feel little concern for the outcome.
Some of my desires: to not be treated like a doormat, to have my basic needs met, to not be in an abusive relationship, to not be continually lied to, to be understood and acknowledged, to be healthy, to not have poisonous scorpions in my house (3 in the last week!), and to figure out what I want to do with my life.
What kind of expectations or entitlements do we unknowingly or knowingly harbor? Do we really deserve anything from the world?
I'm thinking of moving out or telling G to do so. I doubt he will, even though he only sleeps here. Not only do I have a home office for work and see clients close to my home, but I spend most of my time at home. I would think G could see it as an opportunity to move 40 miles closer to his job, which consumes his life and to get away from me, since he feels so trapped. He is married and wants to act like he is single. On Tuesday he got off work at 3:30 and didn't bother to come home until after 9 pm, because he was out at the bar again (excuse me: "work"). I didn't say a thing, wondering if he would even acknowledge his lack of respect. I told him he should leave if he feels trapped, because I'm certainly not holding him here. He said we are chained to each other because we are married, indicating he feels like he is in prison. I honestly would rather him leave and make life easier for us both. I think he stays because he can't give up control of me and doesn't want me to move on. I almost think he is the type of guy who harms his wife or girlfriend because if he can't have her, then no one can. Next week he is going out of town and he will be gone a few weekends in October. So, if I could find a place and some people to help me I could potentially move out. I just hate to leave what I consider MY home.
Some of my desires: to not be treated like a doormat, to have my basic needs met, to not be in an abusive relationship, to not be continually lied to, to be understood and acknowledged, to be healthy, to not have poisonous scorpions in my house (3 in the last week!), and to figure out what I want to do with my life.
What kind of expectations or entitlements do we unknowingly or knowingly harbor? Do we really deserve anything from the world?
I'm thinking of moving out or telling G to do so. I doubt he will, even though he only sleeps here. Not only do I have a home office for work and see clients close to my home, but I spend most of my time at home. I would think G could see it as an opportunity to move 40 miles closer to his job, which consumes his life and to get away from me, since he feels so trapped. He is married and wants to act like he is single. On Tuesday he got off work at 3:30 and didn't bother to come home until after 9 pm, because he was out at the bar again (excuse me: "work"). I didn't say a thing, wondering if he would even acknowledge his lack of respect. I told him he should leave if he feels trapped, because I'm certainly not holding him here. He said we are chained to each other because we are married, indicating he feels like he is in prison. I honestly would rather him leave and make life easier for us both. I think he stays because he can't give up control of me and doesn't want me to move on. I almost think he is the type of guy who harms his wife or girlfriend because if he can't have her, then no one can. Next week he is going out of town and he will be gone a few weekends in October. So, if I could find a place and some people to help me I could potentially move out. I just hate to leave what I consider MY home.
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