Home (not so) Sweet Home...
Yesterday I returned from my long, yet much needed vacation. Throughout my trip I was continually reminded of how much I miss my true home and family. I wish we could move back, but I must first obtain my Master's or G will have to find a job in a non-existent job market. I feel so discouraged because my degree will probably take 3 years at least and the chances of actually being accepted seem dismal (of 200+ applicants less than 30 are selected).
For some reason I am an emotional wreck; I feel like my hormones are out of control right now. I struggled with thoughts of J frequently during my visit home, especially when we spent 5 days at H. lake. I spent the best weeks of my life with J at H. Lake at his uncles cabin. Every time we drove by memories plagued my mind of how happy I once felt. Ironically G and I looked at cabins and land on the same lake. With my entire being I wished to see the fruition of my dreams with J instead of G. I guess while I was on vacation J deleted his myspace account so I can no longer check in to see how he is doing. I freaked out at first, but think I will be fine now. It may even prove beneficial so I don't think about him so frequently.
The Friday night I went to the most amazing concerts!!! I saw three of the top Christian rock bands, met them and took pictures with them all. I've been listening to their music for so long and never dreamed I could see them all at one time. I also met one of their sound engineers who gave my sister and I all access passes because we recorded some of the concert for them to post to their web page. We stood less than 2 feet from the stage and actually talked with the bands. I think I learned a valuable realization while at the concerts. I talked with the sound engineer for a large part of the concert and he was so nice and cute. He made me realize nice, stable Christian guys actually exist. Thus, I don't need to spend my life pining over J, who can't seem to find himself. He gave me his myspace account so I can contact him. I may or may not keep in touch, but he was the type of guy whom I would consider pursuing if I was single.
I wish I could just forget J and soley focus on my relationship with G. We have our problems, but any relationship does. I am the type of person who will probably stay married to the same person for the rest of my life even if I am miserable in the process. I wish I could be different at times, but I'm not and don't know that I want to be. I see so many people who divorce at the drop of a dime, and remarry time and time again hoping to find happiness, but only end up more miserable in the end. I DO NOT want to become on of those people.
With everything said, I am not looking forward to work tomorrow. My boss was unreasonable while I was on vacation. I can't wait to talk to her to hear what she has to say, because I may just have to tell her my true thoughts.
For some reason I am an emotional wreck; I feel like my hormones are out of control right now. I struggled with thoughts of J frequently during my visit home, especially when we spent 5 days at H. lake. I spent the best weeks of my life with J at H. Lake at his uncles cabin. Every time we drove by memories plagued my mind of how happy I once felt. Ironically G and I looked at cabins and land on the same lake. With my entire being I wished to see the fruition of my dreams with J instead of G. I guess while I was on vacation J deleted his myspace account so I can no longer check in to see how he is doing. I freaked out at first, but think I will be fine now. It may even prove beneficial so I don't think about him so frequently.
The Friday night I went to the most amazing concerts!!! I saw three of the top Christian rock bands, met them and took pictures with them all. I've been listening to their music for so long and never dreamed I could see them all at one time. I also met one of their sound engineers who gave my sister and I all access passes because we recorded some of the concert for them to post to their web page. We stood less than 2 feet from the stage and actually talked with the bands. I think I learned a valuable realization while at the concerts. I talked with the sound engineer for a large part of the concert and he was so nice and cute. He made me realize nice, stable Christian guys actually exist. Thus, I don't need to spend my life pining over J, who can't seem to find himself. He gave me his myspace account so I can contact him. I may or may not keep in touch, but he was the type of guy whom I would consider pursuing if I was single.
I wish I could just forget J and soley focus on my relationship with G. We have our problems, but any relationship does. I am the type of person who will probably stay married to the same person for the rest of my life even if I am miserable in the process. I wish I could be different at times, but I'm not and don't know that I want to be. I see so many people who divorce at the drop of a dime, and remarry time and time again hoping to find happiness, but only end up more miserable in the end. I DO NOT want to become on of those people.
With everything said, I am not looking forward to work tomorrow. My boss was unreasonable while I was on vacation. I can't wait to talk to her to hear what she has to say, because I may just have to tell her my true thoughts.
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