Two steps forward and one step back or One step forward and two steps back?
A lot has happened since my surgery, most of which I can't recall other than debilitating pain. This is the first week I've been of the dilaudid and percocet and think I am experiencing major withdrawals. I have head and body aches, extreme nausea, chills or hot flashes, feel emotional, and random pains. I don't think I've yet to experience a day of feeling better than 75%, but hope I feel better soon. I am picking up a few appointments next week, but tend to become exhausted after only minimal activity. My final results revealed no cancer in the biopsied tissue, which feels like such a relief.
Two weeks after surgery I traveled to visit my family, primarily because my sister said I could watch her birth. However, when it came time she never called. I don't understand and feel so mislead by her...I am pissed! She also hid out at her creepy boyfriend's dad's house after the birth and remained there until after I left, therefore I hardly got to see her baby girl. I still need to talk to her to find out what the issue was.
We are in the full blown process of adopting and were put in for a child w/ some issues yesterday. Part of me hopes we don't get chose, as I don't feel ready at all! I thought 6 weeks off work would be wonderful and that I would have time to work on numerous projects, however, I actually spent the time recovering and on the sofa due to so much pain. I haven't even started a nursery, so feel completely unprepared. I do have diapers and a bassinet, but that is about it.
My doctor suggested we should also see a fertility specialist, whom we met with today. I am filled with so many mixed emotions I don't know where to begin. I have worked so hard to let go of any thoughts of conceiving a child, so am not prepared to go through the emotions and feelings of loss again if attempts are futile once again. The doctor is the best in town and made it seem so easy despite all my issues.When we left I just wanted to cry uncontrollably. If it is really so easy to conceive, then why have we went through all the emotions and heartbreak for the last 4+ years? We've seen fertility specialists before with no luck. I feel so skeptical, yet so afraid at the same time. I cant' allow myself to feel even an ounce of hope yet. He diagnosed me with PCOS, type II today, which wasn't a major shock. However, I guess due to family history and the new diagnosis, I have a very high chance of a twin pregnancy. This excites me, yet freaks me out at the same time because we are also adopting. I always thought I could handle twins (with many gray hairs), but never 3 babies at once!!! I think this is all crazy talk, how can we be at this point? I can't live with the endometriosis anymore, and I do want to conceive a child, yet it seems like too much all at once! I just have to trust and pray the situation will unravel as planned, yet it seems so crazy...zero to possibly 3 kids! I just don't know? We have a few months before fertility measures begin in full force. I don't know how to feel, but hope we get some answers, clarity, and direction soon.
Two weeks after surgery I traveled to visit my family, primarily because my sister said I could watch her birth. However, when it came time she never called. I don't understand and feel so mislead by her...I am pissed! She also hid out at her creepy boyfriend's dad's house after the birth and remained there until after I left, therefore I hardly got to see her baby girl. I still need to talk to her to find out what the issue was.
We are in the full blown process of adopting and were put in for a child w/ some issues yesterday. Part of me hopes we don't get chose, as I don't feel ready at all! I thought 6 weeks off work would be wonderful and that I would have time to work on numerous projects, however, I actually spent the time recovering and on the sofa due to so much pain. I haven't even started a nursery, so feel completely unprepared. I do have diapers and a bassinet, but that is about it.
My doctor suggested we should also see a fertility specialist, whom we met with today. I am filled with so many mixed emotions I don't know where to begin. I have worked so hard to let go of any thoughts of conceiving a child, so am not prepared to go through the emotions and feelings of loss again if attempts are futile once again. The doctor is the best in town and made it seem so easy despite all my issues.When we left I just wanted to cry uncontrollably. If it is really so easy to conceive, then why have we went through all the emotions and heartbreak for the last 4+ years? We've seen fertility specialists before with no luck. I feel so skeptical, yet so afraid at the same time. I cant' allow myself to feel even an ounce of hope yet. He diagnosed me with PCOS, type II today, which wasn't a major shock. However, I guess due to family history and the new diagnosis, I have a very high chance of a twin pregnancy. This excites me, yet freaks me out at the same time because we are also adopting. I always thought I could handle twins (with many gray hairs), but never 3 babies at once!!! I think this is all crazy talk, how can we be at this point? I can't live with the endometriosis anymore, and I do want to conceive a child, yet it seems like too much all at once! I just have to trust and pray the situation will unravel as planned, yet it seems so crazy...zero to possibly 3 kids! I just don't know? We have a few months before fertility measures begin in full force. I don't know how to feel, but hope we get some answers, clarity, and direction soon.
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