Going Through the Motions
This weekend I went to an awesome women's retreat. It was something I really needed for my sanity, however, now I'm left wondering... where do I go from here? The theme was, "Stop Going Through the Motions". I realized I am just going through the motions in all areas of my life and not really living life to its fullest potential. I give the least I need to get by and wonder why I feel so incomplacent and unsatisfied, but the answer is right in front of me. I know from so many experiences that I will get what I put into something. Most notedly, I feel blah in my relationship w/ G. I feel like we are flat lining with no excitment or drive to do anything but exist. I met a group of girls and we had some fun and interesting talks. We are thinking about meeting on a regular baisis to work on the blah in our lives. I've been going through the motions for so long, I don't even know where to start? How do I start living again?
On Friday I received me lab results back from my blood tests and found out a few things. First, I have a severe vitamin D deficiency (I live in the sunniest state in the US!) lol, excess estrogen, and of course, my thyroid antibodies have shot off the charts. They were 840 in April and were now noted to be >1000. Therefore, my body is in full assault against my thyroid. This may possibly explain my complete exhaustion, muscle weakness, and extreme muscle and joint pains. After even as single yoga class (relaxing and slow class) I feel like I've ran a marathon without any training in the morning. I am so frustrated with my body!!! I love being active, and it seems that my desire to be outdoors and be busy has also been taken from me. My naturopath said I can do nothing at this point, but wait for the attack to stop, which may be indefinite. She gave me 5 different things to take, one of which is supposed to make me gain weight (yay), when somehow I was gaining weight when I was in a state of hyperthyroidism. Again, I feel so frustrated! I do not want to be fat or over weight.
Good news, our home study was finally approved. However, now we have to find an agency to go through for adoption and hopefully complete the process in 18 months before our home study expires (highly unlikely). I can't believe in India a complete surrogacy is only around $15k, yet a simple adoption in the US is more than $30 k! I'm seriously thinking about doing a surrogacy in India. Then we could have our own child and not worry about the trauma of an adoption. I will have to think about it more, as it would mean taking more hormones.
J added me as a friend on Facebook recently. I should have deleted the request. However, I asked how he was doing and he said well. He likes Europe and said he has been dating a girl for 2 years that he may propose to. He looks really happy in his pictures, and I am genuinely happy for him. So, I guess it was a good thing to add him.
I was offered a "promotion" at work and declined it last week. It would have meant being in the office all day, a 60 mile round trip commute, less pay (no over time), but a job title that could get me a higher paying job in the future. I figured it wasn't worth being miserable, even if I can't get a better job in the future as a result. I am happy with my current position and flexibility.
On Friday I received me lab results back from my blood tests and found out a few things. First, I have a severe vitamin D deficiency (I live in the sunniest state in the US!) lol, excess estrogen, and of course, my thyroid antibodies have shot off the charts. They were 840 in April and were now noted to be >1000. Therefore, my body is in full assault against my thyroid. This may possibly explain my complete exhaustion, muscle weakness, and extreme muscle and joint pains. After even as single yoga class (relaxing and slow class) I feel like I've ran a marathon without any training in the morning. I am so frustrated with my body!!! I love being active, and it seems that my desire to be outdoors and be busy has also been taken from me. My naturopath said I can do nothing at this point, but wait for the attack to stop, which may be indefinite. She gave me 5 different things to take, one of which is supposed to make me gain weight (yay), when somehow I was gaining weight when I was in a state of hyperthyroidism. Again, I feel so frustrated! I do not want to be fat or over weight.
Good news, our home study was finally approved. However, now we have to find an agency to go through for adoption and hopefully complete the process in 18 months before our home study expires (highly unlikely). I can't believe in India a complete surrogacy is only around $15k, yet a simple adoption in the US is more than $30 k! I'm seriously thinking about doing a surrogacy in India. Then we could have our own child and not worry about the trauma of an adoption. I will have to think about it more, as it would mean taking more hormones.
J added me as a friend on Facebook recently. I should have deleted the request. However, I asked how he was doing and he said well. He likes Europe and said he has been dating a girl for 2 years that he may propose to. He looks really happy in his pictures, and I am genuinely happy for him. So, I guess it was a good thing to add him.
I was offered a "promotion" at work and declined it last week. It would have meant being in the office all day, a 60 mile round trip commute, less pay (no over time), but a job title that could get me a higher paying job in the future. I figured it wasn't worth being miserable, even if I can't get a better job in the future as a result. I am happy with my current position and flexibility.
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