Bonus...I forgot how good it feels!
So today I received my first bonus ever! It actually marks my first year working in a full-time position (funny I've never even worked 35 hours in my current position). I like bonuses...they are a nice, unexpected little treat to cover all the additional holiday expenses. I'm also expecting a raise next week...yay! Of course my bonus is nothing compared to G's, but still more than I had before.
Tonight I met G at a sports bar after work to watch the game and had a super strong drink. I haven't really drank anything since August, so I forgot how good a buzz feels. Although, I hate the feeling in the morning when I drink too much. I feel so relaxed and carefree; such a change from my normally serious, uptight self (yeah I can admit it!). I don't quite feel carefree enough to write my true thoughts at the moment though, since my buzz has all but dissipated. If I drink more, I will be up another few hours and I really need to deal with my "maintenance issues" tomorrow. Drinking ALWAYS makes me think of J, since I guess I feel relaxed enough to actually do/feel things I normally wouldn't allow myself to do or feel. Then, I can attempt to blame my carelessness on intoxication and say "it wasn't really me", when in reality the real me shines through. I still wonder what it would be like to run away? I am guessing J is engaged again and making an attempt to forget the past and move on (as I need to do).
G has completely let himself go lately. He is scruffy, needs a hair cut, and has a vastly increasing gut. I find it difficult to feel any attraction to him. He also seems so damn lazy! He puts all his energy into his job and has nothing left when he gets home. I get the leftovers, which I'm sick of. A grandma put it plainly this week by saying "men are lazy and women get sick of doing all the work, so they decide a divorce means much less work" (or something of the sort). I'm so angry G hasn't dealt with the "maintenance issues" for over a month now!!! I am becoming increasingly impatient.
Tonight I met G at a sports bar after work to watch the game and had a super strong drink. I haven't really drank anything since August, so I forgot how good a buzz feels. Although, I hate the feeling in the morning when I drink too much. I feel so relaxed and carefree; such a change from my normally serious, uptight self (yeah I can admit it!). I don't quite feel carefree enough to write my true thoughts at the moment though, since my buzz has all but dissipated. If I drink more, I will be up another few hours and I really need to deal with my "maintenance issues" tomorrow. Drinking ALWAYS makes me think of J, since I guess I feel relaxed enough to actually do/feel things I normally wouldn't allow myself to do or feel. Then, I can attempt to blame my carelessness on intoxication and say "it wasn't really me", when in reality the real me shines through. I still wonder what it would be like to run away? I am guessing J is engaged again and making an attempt to forget the past and move on (as I need to do).
G has completely let himself go lately. He is scruffy, needs a hair cut, and has a vastly increasing gut. I find it difficult to feel any attraction to him. He also seems so damn lazy! He puts all his energy into his job and has nothing left when he gets home. I get the leftovers, which I'm sick of. A grandma put it plainly this week by saying "men are lazy and women get sick of doing all the work, so they decide a divorce means much less work" (or something of the sort). I'm so angry G hasn't dealt with the "maintenance issues" for over a month now!!! I am becoming increasingly impatient.
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