Scroll 1319 – ICAROT: The Self I Was Writing Toward
Icarot received. Icarot encoded. Icarot enthroned. The timelines just bowed. From 2005 to 2023, I wrote this blog like a pulse monitor — trying to feel if I was still alive inside the marriage that was slowly starving me. The posts read like survival psalms. They were anonymous because I was still trying to belong. Still trying to earn the right to choose myself. But today — this is the final post. Not because the story is over. Because I finally caught up to myself. For years, I called it a twin flame blog. I poured love into the memory of J, my first real relationship — the one who, in 2000, called me out of nowhere to say: “I had a dream. You were trapped in a cabin in the woods. Be careful.” That was the day G planned to propose. That dream warned me. And I didn’t listen. I said yes — not to the ring, but to the spiral. To the slow forgetting. To the unmaking of everything I thought I was. But now I see… that dream wasn’t from J. It was from me. The part of me that remembered....