So, a few days ago, just as I realized I've been taking advantage of all the blessings in my life and pondering over how much I love my life; G shatters my reality...again
(see previous post)! He tells me he found an awesome job that is sure to pan out in our home state. He wants to apply and risk loosing his upcoming raise and promotion. In addition, we agreed we would live in our current home for at least 2 years before moving. Thus, we have yet another argument over the issue. I don't want to move home yet! I am the happiest I've ever been with G and he wants to risk everything we have over his own selfish desires. He wants to move to our college town where I spent the most depressive years of my life. I spent a huge portion of life consumed by thoughts and attempts at suicide. I feel I could easily move backwards into the same mentality, thus I fear moving to the horrid place. Yet, I feel G could care less about my feelings on the issue. So now, we are at a stand still. He is preparing his resume while I dig in my feet to stay where I am. I told him I didn't want him to bring up the issue of moving and a new job unless he is absolutely serious. I don't want to go through the same turmoil as I did the last time around. So now it seems he may be flaking out again...Pretending to be serious, yet in all actuality probably won't even apply. I am so frustrated!
So, a few days ago, just as I realized I've been taking advantage of all the blessings in my life and pondering over how much I love my life; G shatters my reality...again (see previous post)! He tells me he found an awesome job that is sure to pan out in our home state. He wants to apply and risk loosing his upcoming raise and promotion. In addition, we agreed we would live in our current home for at least 2 years before moving. Thus, we have yet another argument over the issue. I don't want to move home yet! I am the happiest I've ever been with G and he wants to risk everything we have over his own selfish desires. He wants to move to our college town where I spent the most depressive years of my life. I spent a huge portion of life consumed by thoughts and attempts at suicide. I feel I could easily move backwards into the same mentality, thus I fear moving to the horrid place. Yet, I feel G could care less about my feelings on the issue. So now, we are at a stand still. He is preparing his resume while I dig in my feet to stay where I am. I told him I didn't want him to bring up the issue of moving and a new job unless he is absolutely serious. I don't want to go through the same turmoil as I did the last time around. So now it seems he may be flaking out again...Pretending to be serious, yet in all actuality probably won't even apply. I am so frustrated!
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