Breaking the Silence...

Well, yesterday I gave in and decided to just say "hi" to my ex. I said "hi" and he said "bye", in less than one minute I presume. I guess he didn't want to talk. I didn't really either, but had to break the silence. I need to just give up, if only I could. The situation is slowly starting to become easier to deal with though. I guess one day at a time.

I've been wondering if I should disclose all to my spouse, but face a major dilemma. I didn't want to tell him before if I was unsure about the situation, especially if I thought we might not stay together. I would only tell him after we separated and a divorce was finalized, to escape his jealous retaliation with a lawyer. If I do want to stay in my marriage and tell him, he might become so upset he might want a divorce anyway. If he didn't want a divorce, he would surely want me to sever all connection to my ex, which I'm not prepared to do right now (I'm slowly working on it though). I know the truth hurts and one may benefit more on occasion from not entirely knowing everything, but I feel guilty. By nature, I am an extremely open person, so hiding something becomes very difficult. I guess I will have to work towards a solution to the silence regarding my marriage and my contact with my ex too. Ugh.

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