Life Priorities...

Have you ever asked yourself... What are my priorities in life?, and then actually examined how closely you are actually living according to your priorities? I perform this helpful, but painful exercise on occasion to give myself a reality check.

I hate to admit, but for the last 4 years I have been living in survival mode. I couldn't actualize my true "priorities", because I was in the process of trying to survive. My list looked similar to the following although I wanted the same things I do now:

1. Obtain education/advance career
2. Increase financial stability
3. Block emotional pain from life
4. Determine whom to be with relationally

I find examining my priorities so difficult because my life never seems to align with my goals. I want my priorities to be the following:

1. Family: I want family to be above all other aspects of my life, but find it so difficult to keep towards the top. G is my family, but my parents and siblings all live in my home state. G's job and lack of ambition to find another keep us both separated from our families. I also want to have children, but won't unless I am near my family. I don't feel I have a lot of control involving this aspect of my life.
2. Health: I am working towards improving my health by exercising, attempting to balance my diet, made my first dental apt. in 6 years (no cavities... yay!), have an upcoming Dr. Apt. and plan to undergo surgery sometime this year so I might be able to have kids someday.
3. Stability (financial, emotional, relational): G and I both working significantly increases our financial stability. Working deteriorates my emotional and relational stability. In general I have a long way to go to improve my mental health. I did plan to consult with a counselor, but find I have very little time.
4. Pursuit of fun: Where does the fun go when we become adults? The older I become, the harder I have to work to have fun, which seems so depressing. I hardly ever do fun or enjoyable activities, because work, bills, cleaning, always seem to take precedence. I think life would be more bearable if I spent as much time having fun as I do on other not so fun activities like cleaning, working, paying bills, stressing out, etc.
5. Sanity: I would love to feel sane. Sometimes I wonder if I am loosing my mind amidst the daily grind of life. I always ponder over ways to escape the insanity of getting through a single day. All I want is peace!!!
6. Education/Career: Education and career advancement only make my priority list because part of me will always retreat to survival mode. If I felt 100% secure in my relationship and trusted God and others I would not care, but in my best interest I feel I must be able to support myself if something in my life doesn't work out. The only reason I haven't quit my job yet is because I need post graduate experience to validate my degree, otherwise it will have been a waste of my time; I won't be able to fall back on my education if needed. Although career/education made my list, they reside at the bottom. My current job forces itself to the top in my life, because as a result of my job I can't spend time with my family, go to the gym, or pursue enjoyable activities. It only assists in improving my financial status, but decreases my emotional and relational stability.

I think I will eternally struggle in achieving my priorities in the order I would like. At least I have a starting point and a goal to work towards. I hope I will seriously consider how my priorities may be affected prior to making decisions in my life. I wrote them down so I have a reference point when I am feeling lost and confused.