Searching for the Answers...

Lately I've been super busy! My agenda for today: complete two assignments for school, hem my dress, give 2 dogs a bath, get the oil changed, go to the post office, clean the house, tan, volunteer for 2 hours at church, host small group tonight, make some phone calls for work and bake something for small group (wow, it is a little more overwhelming when written down!) No wonder my neighbors joke that I'm on drugs. Oh, my next door neighbors are rich Italians and one actually offered me coke last weekend at a community party- thanks to my other neighbor telling him I felt left out because I wasn't solicited yet! He is the only one we know who does drugs in our tight knit neighborhood and everyone thinks he is crazy. I just can't believe he actually thought I would do drugs or maybe he was too high to think straight? I guess he is supposed to be moving ( yay ) to a 5k sft home in a few months. It pisses me off that he tries to get other people hooked on drugs when we l...

Yesterday I had surgery on my maxillary and ethnoid sinuses, and the inside of my nose because I have sinus disease. I wasn't upset or anxious until G said he was leaving to get something to eat right when I was taken back to be prepared for surgery. I couldn't believe he could be so inconsiderate since he was supposed to be there to support me and couldn't even wait until I was in surgery (one hour) to get something to eat. I broke down and didn't even want him there if all he could do was think about food. Looking back, I still can't believe he did that! I didn't feel nervous until I was actually laying on the operating table staring at the bright lights, but I was out after only a few minutes. I woke up in recovery coughing and choking on blood and couldn't breath. The nurses aspirated me and removed over 60 cc's of blood in about an hour from my throat and gave me a breathing treatment. I woke up with burning in my sinuses, my nose gushing blood...

So, I'm having surgery in just a few hours . I thought I would be nervous and flustered, but I'm not at all despite the risks involved. After my last surgery I woke up in the middle of the procedure and afterwards the doctors couldn't get me to wake up from the anesthesia . After several hours I was finally in a semi- conscious state, but couldn't walk for 4 days! My only concern is the long recovery period, but I am optimistic , because I don't think the results could be any worse than last time. I also have faith that what happens will be God's will, as I have so many awesome friends and family praying for me. The hardest part has been not being able to eat or drink anything for over 12 hours... I am starving! I also have a midterm to study for and take during my "recovery" period. I hope I can pull it off!

I forgot to write about a nice thing G did for me. A few weeks ago the threw me a surprise birthday party for my birthday and invited all of my friends. When I was gone he decorated the house and managed to put an entire dinner together. He bought me a cake, flowers, and made an awesome fondue dinner. Several people stayed and we sat in the spa, which was nice and relaxing. He is "supposed" to take me on a trip in a few weeks, but we have to wait until our puppies are old enough.

The last week has been terrible! I felt so overwhelmed and came to the point of saying " somethings gotta give". Thus, I am temporarily discontinuing youth group on Tuesday evenings. After driving to the testing facility 4 times I was finally able to take one of my midterm exams! The exam consisted of 10 multiple choice and 6 essays. When I pressed "enter" for my multiple choice section I couldn't even breathe when I saw that I got a 60%!!!! I almost walked out and withdrew from all of my classes. I was so angry, because I studied like hell for the test and my professor did not include any of the key points or information from the study guide on the exam. Instead, she used the most random facts from the book, none of which were included or ever mentioned in her lessons or study guide. Thus, I emailed her and told her exactly what I thought. I still haven't heard back, but was so relieved when she gave me a 100% on my essays meaning I obtained a measly 84%...

Today I'm so frustrated! For the 3rd time I went to take one of my midterms and the facility was closed! I need to take the exam so I can stop studying and focus on a different course. I just can't believe it could happen 3 days in a row! I have to pick up G from the airport in about an hour. He called and told me the company offered him about 20% lower than the lowest amount he would possibly accept. He is quite upset and feels like the company wasted his time. He plans to call on Wednesday and tell them he won't accept their offer. I think he realized he needs to focus on "us" instead of "himself". I guess I will wait to see how the next few days play out, and hopefully I can take my test tomorrow!

A few days ago my old modeling agency called me out of the blue. Since we moved and I started working full time, I stopped caring about doing any type of acting/modeling. They asked me to do a catalog shoot next week and asked if I looked the same as my 2 year old pictures from my portfolio? I of course said YES! I'm not sure if they will call me back because I can only work 2 of the 3 days. I didn't even think to ask what kind of catalog, but have been thinking about how I used to look 2 years ago. I guess I don't look the same, as I've gained 10 lbs! I weigh as much as I did in high school and averaged 10-20 lbs less than I am now in college. Thus, I feel like a cow now and don't even want to do the shoot because I have to face my weight gain. I didn't sleep well last night and woke up at 3:30 am because I can't stop thinking about my weight and classes. I think the phone call made me realize I need to seriously consider my diet and start exercising again....