Searching for the Answers...

Well it seems this week is ending the same way it began with pain. I've been in pain for at least 2 weeks straight now with no relief. I think so much pain can mentally break someone. I can't recall the last time I felt like this, but I believe it was in college. I have been crying almost all day, every day this week. I feel so hopeless and as if there is nothing left to look forward to, except for more pain. I was able to get my records from my ER visit and read through them. I don't understand half of the things noted about my blood work and urine and haven't been able to contact my doctor. I filled my prescription for antibiotics yesterday and started them last night. If I have a so called "bladder infection" as they thought, then I suppose they will help clear it up. I am pissed because now I am killing all the healthy bacteria I built up for the last 2 years. I haven't even been sick since this spring and I ALWAYS get sick after antibiotics, plus a fu...

After this last week of unbearable pain and a trip to the ER, I am seriously wondering what is there to live for anymore? Each day is such a struggle from the constant pain and knowing that I will probably have to live with it for the rest of my life. It seems the only thing I do live for is work. I've been working 12-14 hour days and G has been out of town for the last 3 weeks. I feel so alone. At the ER they ran lots of tests and could only tell me I "might" have a bladder infection and probably had ruptured ovarian cysts. They found more cysts on my ovaries. My choices are pain management or removal of the ovaries. Then I would be put into permanent menopause, which is hell, from previous experience. The pain is so debilitating I can't even move from the fetal position for hours at a time. The pain medication does nothing for the pain, plus I can't take it and drive. I've had a few bladder infections and I don't think I have one. I do everything right a...

For some reason I feel so agitated right now, maybe it's PMS? This week has been so busy with 8 appointments today (1 in 15 minutes), so I may not get to complete my rant. I don't know why, but I have been feeling agitated every time J happens to post new pictures on his FB page. I don't even want to see them, then he messages me and asks if I happened to see his new pictures? Damn it, I don't want to see your risque pictures of you and your girlfriend! It seems that he always contacts me when his life sucks, but then never cares to tell me that it doesn't suck or what happens in between. I'm sorry, but I will not be the person to talk to just when your life sucks! Either we are friends through the good and bad or not at all. So then I wonder...did he get back with his girl friend, does life not suck anymore, etc.? Yet I don't want to ask to seem like I care, because I don't want to give the wrong impression (which he so easily gets). Part of me wants t...