Searching for the Answers...

As our trip to CA draws closer each day, I can't help but wonder why things can't be different between G, J, and I? In a sense, I wish J and I never had a serious relationship, but were just serious friends. I hate that we will be so close to him, yet can't even say "hi". I'm sure he knows the best beaches, could show us around , and would even let us meet his dolphins. Unfortunately, I had to ruin it by falling in love with him. Although, in hindsight, I don't think we would have been such great friends if we didn't fall in love.

Last night was yet another sleepless night. I stayed up watching the season finale of the Bachelor . I thought about why I like the show so much, and realized I get a chance to glimpse the perfectness and invigoration of new love. New Love is like a budding rose with sweet dew droplets , gently illuminated by the rays of the rising sun. New love is the first footprints on a pristine beach washed clean from high tide. New love is the smell of invigoration and renewal arising after a spring rainfall. New love is the taste of the first fruits of summer. New love is the fluttering in my chest after a sweet kiss or embrace. New love is the sight of light and eerie calmness on the ocean after a long and tumultuous storm. New love resembles the spark of an ignited firework that explodes and lights up the darkness. I felt very "poetic" when I started writing this. I thought of many more examples, of "old" love, but forgot. Maybe I will get on the kick another day. All I...

a long day alone emptiness is so real never having peace of mind running from what i can't sing and there is nowhere left to hide turn and face these empty lies all alone, heart unturned trying to find break me down replace this fear inside take this nothingness from me i want to fight i want to shine i want to rise break me down i try to find myself i find the stranger trapped inside and i'll take one more step away from the face i used to recognize familiar shadows closing in suffocating fear descends you killed a life, uncovered eyes i'm trying to find break me down replace this fear inside take this nothingness from me i want to fight i want to shine i want to rise break me down replace this fear inside take this nothingness from me i want to fight i want to shine i want to rise break me down break me down i want to fight i want to shine i want to rise break me down (repeat) break me! Artist:Red ~Song:Break Me Down ~Album:End Of Silence

I can't believe I haven't posted for over a month! I guess that describes my life during the past month...insane. I was on the verge of a nervous break down a few weeks ago because I had too much to do and no time to do it. Thankfully, I managed to get an A in all my classes this semester and I now have 10 credits towards my Master's and 11 towards my teaching cert. I decided to only take two classes instead of 5 this semester, but will probably add one or two as I progress through the first two. The next classes are more difficult because I have 25 practicum hours and have to be in the classroom and tutor in the summer when there isn't school? I don't know how I am working full time and working on my Master's, plus volunteering, and doing church stuff every week. I get stressed just thinking about it, so I have to only focus on one day at a time. I had a two day break between semesters, and was at least able to catch up on a few things. I'm excited my sis...