Searching for the Answers...

As usual, on my daily commute I had time to think, and realized an interesting aspect about my human nature. I experience a strong urge to choose the easiest route though life, even though it may not be the best route or make sense in the long run. I also feel extreme guilt for possibly hurting anyone's feelings. The reason I came to this realization is because today I "officially" provided my employer with my written two week notice. I keep having second thoughts and doubting my decision to do what I know is the job I've always wanted. Why would I do such a thing? I realized staying at my current job is the easy solution. I don't have to say goodbye, go through the discomfort of the next two weeks, say bye to my clients, experience a 5% pay decrease and a 13% decrease in 5 mo (since I was getting a raise), etc. In exchange I would keep an incredibly stressful and draining job with no personal life, and as my chiropractor said...be on the fast track to 80! Thank...

I feel so at peace today, not crazy and stressed as usual. On Monday I received a job offer for my dream job. I actually interviewed for the position in May, but the company ended up not needing another person at that time. They called me several times after my interview to ask if I would still be interested. Of course I said YES! They offered me the position on Monday and I don't need to interview again. I will be working from home (no more spending 2 hours in traffic!) and traveling to clients homes that live in my same city. It is a salaried position, but employees usually average only 30 hours per week. I get a computer and phone. I set my own schedule, most people only work 3 days per week. I can't believe it. I hope the job turns out to be everything I think it will be and more. The salary is a little lower than my current, but no overtime and sanity are worth every cent, plus the money I will save on gas and vehicle wear. My only concern is that I won't be challenged...

How You Are In Love You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You give and take equally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. How Are You In Love? I guess this describes me quite well! Dang, I don't like to crash and burn, but hopefully I won't have to ever again!

I don't like the person I've become, but I don't know how to change. I put on a happy face around common acquaintances, so most people think I am the sweetest, nicest, and happiest person they know. Inside I am so angry...Depression is anger turned inward. I only show anger towards G, because I know he will love me no matter what. I wish I wasn't so mean to him all the time, but I feel safe venting to him or taking my anger out on him. I know it isn't right and I wish I knew how to change. In public or even private, my anger is usually released through tears. I feel so angry today and so bitchy. My body aches because I am so tense. I am so intent on holding in all the anger I feel that I take life SO seriously. I hardly ever laugh or even take time to indulge in a joke. I don't focus on myself, but rather business and what needs to be done. I focus so much on everything and everyone else I loose sight of myself and my needs. Therefore, my health is failing, I am...

Your Blog Should Be Green Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff. You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas. However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog. What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

I have been so busy lately I don't have time for my personal life. I haven't had a hair cut in over 4 months, I don't eat dinner, or lunch...just snack because I don't have time! I get home and don't have time to do anything but get ready for the next day. My house is a mess, I'm a mess. I haven't bitten my nails for over 6 years and now they are so nasty and short. I don't even know I am doing it. I can't remember the last time I actually "fixed" my hair. Oh, and I feel like such a terrible mommy to my little puppies because I only spend 4 or less waking hours with them a day. They are starving for attention by the time I arrive home and by then I already feel so exhausted I just don't have time to play with them. I sense a break in my schedule in December, but my case load just doubled last week. I can't even work enough overtime to keep up and my case load will double again by the end of December! Yikes! My friend emailed me some...

I finally went to the doctor today to hear the results of my ultrasound. Part of me was hoping the doctor would tell me I was pregnant or some hint of good news. I don't really know what to think of the news because it hasn't settled in yet. I wanted to cry, but held it in. My emotions regarding this issue are locked away for the time being. I guess I have "abnormal" growths...three types, an unknown mass- could be cancerous, cysts, and uterine polyps. I thought my ovaries were fine, but learned I have growths and abnormalities on both. I have to schedule surgery now and they will perform two different procedures while only drugging me once...yay! The doctor initially wanted to have two surgeries, but I don't see what the point is if I am already cut open. I am so frustrated with doctors. I've made at least 15 appointments in 4 months and know absolutely nothing more than when I started. I keep getting referred to a different specialist who supposedly will ha...