Searching for the Answers...

Listening to music often helps me process emotions I can't seem to find the words to express. I think this song has a great message I need to listen to and try to implement. It seems like something a good and honest friend would tell me right now. "It's The Only One You've Got" How do you know where you're going When you don't know where you've been You hide the shame that you're not showing And you won't let anyone in A crowded street can be a quiet place When you're walking alone And now you think that you're the only One who doesn't [Chorus:] Have to try And you won't have to fail If you're afraid to fight Then i guess you never will You hide behind your walls Of maybe nevers Forgetting that there's something more Than just knowing better Your mistakes do not define you now They tell you who you're not You've got to live this life you're given Like it's the only one you've got Memories have left yo...

I'm trying to accomplish too many things at once!!!! Maybe I'm trying to over work myself to block out life...I honestly don't know, but I am too busy. I told G I thought he should move out and he became quite upset/mad. He said if one of us moves out then it is over and a divorce is imminent . I told him I would not tolerate being lied to and would separate if necessary. I don't know if he got the point, but he has been much nicer (for the most part), during the last few weeks. I don't know if his reaction fit into any of the categories suggested in the comment section of my last post? I feel like he cared and was shocked I would suggest such a thing. I was drinking, so I can't recall everything clearly. I did tell him that if he ever feels like he needs to cheat, then to just tell me (like it's that easy); because I don't want to be in a one sided relationship. I told him I don't want him to be here if he doesn't want to be and would rather he...

I think the human species has an inborn desire to be heard and understood, or at least acknowledged. I don't know that I am? I'm confused...I don't know what to do or how to react. Doing nothing almost seems easier than thinking about all the possibilities and alternatives. I heard a quote the other day that struck me: "The pursuit of happiness leads to all unhappiness". When we have expectations instead of going with the flow of life, we are bound to feel disappointment. I think one could derive two meanings from the quote: 1. give up trying, or 2. stop having expectations and go with the flow. In the last week or two, I think I've given up on a variety of issues in my life: trying or even wanting to have a child, my diet, worrying about scorpions and spiders in my house, and my marriage. It seemed that trying to move towards a state of increased happiness only left me with a greater sense of dissatisfaction. Thus, maybe I am taking on a new philosophy- refra...