Searching for the Answers...

Yesterday, G left for Cabo San Lucas, Mexico for "work". I was quite upset, because as of Tuesday he still hadn't emailed me his itinerary. He made a huge deal about having to go to work before he left because he "forgot" every day for the last week to email it to me. I was feeling a bit paranoid about ulterior motives because it seemed like he was trying to hide something, but I feel fine now. I can trust that he isn't the same person he used to be and is a responsible, committed husband. Hence, only 6/15 people made it fishing today because they were hung over and only 3 actually fished because the others were sea sick. I'm happy he could go, but a little jealous because I want to be there too! He is staying in a $400/night room at the ME Cabo ...seems like a very nice, trendy resort. He is eating lobster for dinner every night. Today he went fishing today and caught a 150lb blue marlin! He is also fishing tomorrow and then coming home on Saturday ...

Ever since I was little and went through the stages of changing "what I wanted to be when I grew up", only one aspect of my dreams remained constant...I wanted to be a parent. After several years of living in fear and denial, I've finally decided to accept that I may not have children. My fear has prevented me from scheduling a surgery I should have undergone probably a decade ago. As a result I have lived in unbearable pain for far too long! I feel at peace and ready to finally face the biggest hurdle in my life. I am prepared to deal with any findings or complications that may arise as I go under and awake to hear the results of my surgery. Out of the hundreds of possibilities, I know God has a greater plan for my life. Whether his plan involves continuing to trudge through this life or the long awaited reunion with him. I can say, I've finally found the peace I've been searching for and the courage to follow through. "The peace of God, which transcends all...

I've been incredibly busy lately with school and work. I rarely have a moment to myself. I've been trying to schedule my next surgery for 2 months now. I keep playing phone tag with the doctor's office. I haven't had time to call in the last week, but hopefully will on Friday. I haven't been sleeping well at all and feel so wired. I have to spend all day tomorrow in the classroom and need to get up in 3 hours now. I'm a little freaked out at the "risks" associated with the surgery I need to schedule. I may be able to get in as soon as July, but am hoping for mid August. I will be traveling home for 19 days around August, so I could save some vacation if I spent some time recovering while on my trip home. I can't believe how emotionally stable I feel, compared to my life 1-5 years ago. I think I'm getting much better at blocking my emotions. I've certainly been thinking of J more since I will be in his town in 3 weeks. No matter what I may f...