Searching for the Answers...

Yesterday I returned from my long, yet much needed vacation. Throughout my trip I was continually reminded of how much I miss my true home and family. I wish we could move back, but I must first obtain my Master's or G will have to find a job in a non-existent job market. I feel so discouraged because my degree will probably take 3 years at least and the chances of actually being accepted seem dismal (of 200+ applicants less than 30 are selected). For some reason I am an emotional wreck; I feel like my hormones are out of control right now. I struggled with thoughts of J frequently during my visit home, especially when we spent 5 days at H. lake. I spent the best weeks of my life with J at H. Lake at his uncles cabin. Every time we drove by memories plagued my mind of how happy I once felt. Ironically G and I looked at cabins and land on the same lake. With my entire being I wished to see the fruition of my dreams with J instead of G. I guess while I was on vacation J deleted his m...

I must set the record straight that nothing ever happened with J (sorry if I mislead anyone). I never talked to him or made plans to see him. In the midst of my paranoia I was attempting to finally determine if G reads my online journal. If he did I'm sure I would have heard something from him, but this week was actually quite the opposite! Earlier in the week G told me his company might send him to ID for a 2 year job, which may turn into a permanent position! For some reason I wasn't upset at all. We actually dreamed of living in ID or WA early in our relationship, but after college we could not support ourselves off the low salaries in the area. It would be an awesome opportunity and we would only be a 6 hour drive from our families. I could possibly have the lake house I always dreamed of or pursue my Master's degree in SLP (I couldn't have both). As a SLP I could easily support both G and I (or myself) in my hometown, plus I would have summers off. It would be amaz...