Searching for the Answers...

I sent this e-mail to G this morning. After being gone for 6 days, we spent less than 5 minutes together before he went to bed; and then started screaming at me at 5 am. I am so disgusted and disappointed in him. I do NOT deserve to be treated the way he treats me. He also told his parents and my family that he really wants the job in our home state and plans to accept it, while he told me he wasn't sure what to think, but was leaning towards staying where we are now. G~ I was completely taken aback by your attitude this morning when you learned that I did not wash your clothes. Your only thoughts were purely selfish and self centered. You treated me as if I am your live in maid only existing to serve you and meet your needs with nothing in return. You mentioned washing clothes only takes 5 minutes, but try at least 15 minutes multiplied by 4 years. Your attitude was as if you were saying how dare I not do something for you. The problem arises because I have been taken advantage of...

Wow, I haven't written a post in two weeks. Life has been awesome lately, thus I don't need to utilize my outlet for stress and pain. On the other hand, I am starting to wonder if my contentment will be short lived. I can honestly say I have been the happiest I've ever been in my entire life d uring the last two months. I feel as if all aspects in my life are just as they should be. Unfortunately, G shared some news with me a few days ago that has potential to shatter my contentment . I think 6 months ago this news would have been wonderful, and I would have been thrilled; but now I feel like I am home and content. G has been in our home state for a week on a business trip. He met the owners of a very prestigious company who offered him the highest position he can possibly have in his field. The company is based in G's home town...the place he would choose to live out of anywhere in the world. Not to mention, he would be working at one of the most prestigious private s...

Lately, I've been pondering over the ideology of blogging. Everyone seems to have their own specific agenda in regard to writing online... I initially began journaling online as a venue to release stress. In the past I've kept a journal, but didn't write frequently...just during very difficult times in my life. I always found solace looking back over my journal realizing how much I learned from my mistakes as I sorted through a recent trial. Writing provides a venue for me to mentally and physically sort out my life. In my journal I shared my deepest thoughts and secrets, yet always feared someone, G specifically, would find my journal and use it against me. One day I mishappenly stumbled upon a blog and found the idea quite intriguing...an online journal that doesn't have to be hidden, yet can be shared with others anonymously. I think the same day I began my own journal with an intent to focus and uncover my true intentions in regard to J. At the time I seriously did ...

For once I feel content with my life. My new job is going very well ; I can't fathom a better job (although I make less than half of what G makes). This week for the first time, I felt like I was truly making a difference in the lives of my clients. I also started new sewing projects with my new serger and can't believe I own such incredible technology (I love sewing, it is so relaxing). I am making luxurious bedding and window treatments to match my antique European bedroom set. For the first time I can finally see an end to completing our backyard! We have been working on it for an entire year and it still isn't functional. We signed a contract on an inground spa on Saturday. I am so excited. We also finished our outdoor dining and seating areas. G still has to complete the fireplace and flagstone, and I the landscaping. We have a "plan" to finish by the first week of April and have been on track so far. My family is coming to visit at the end of April. unf...

Laying in bed last night after going to a wonderful restaurant with various breeds of snotty people I had to ask myself, why do wealthy people think their life is more important than the rest of society? And, why does society perceive the wealthy as more valuable? For example, I always hear wealth come into play when it comes to medical research or organ transplants. For some "reason" the doctors/hospitals just can't seem to find a matching organ for the poor, but what do you know...they can have one in a week for that multi-millionaire...hmmm? I even do it myself; I tend to subconsciously judge people by their wealth. I don't know why, but I certainly need to make a contentious effort to stop judging people based on materialism. I feel so sad that the majority of society and world base their lives around obtaining more wealth. I even get caught up in materialism and wanting more, but I need to stop and seriously focus on people for who they are as a person, not for ...